One could be forgiven for believing it’s pointless for survivors to sound alarm bells about those who assaulted them. Donald Trump, who has bragged about sexually assaulting women and mocked victims of abuse, is president, after all. And U.S. senators approved Brett Kavanaugh’s nomination to the Supreme Court, while Christine Blasey Ford received death threats and had to leave her home after accusing the judge of sexually assaulting her when they were in high school. Republican Rep. Kevin Cramer of North Dakota, who is challenging Sen. Heidi Heitkamp, who voted against Kavanaugh’s nomination, called MeToo a victimization movement that baffles the “tough” women he knows.
It’s already difficult to speak about sexual violence. The worry is that recent events will only make it harder. One might reasonably believe: “What’s the point in coming forward if no one will believe me?”
Don’t lose hope. Don’t lose voice. We must believe that words are the best weapon against oppression. If anything is worth fighting for, even when it feels runious, it’s the truth.
Tanya Selvaratnam recently wrote for The New York Times about what it was like to share publicly that Eric Schneiderman, then New York attorney general, had subjected her to repeated physical violence. (He denies doing so.) It took months to decide to come forward, she wrote. But at the time she was reading “When Women Were Birds” by Terry Tempest Williams and came across these lines: “To withhold words is power. But to share our words with others, openly and honestly, is also power.”
She decided she needed to do something and spoke on the record with The New Yorker, which published a story in May detailing similar allegations from three additional women.
Selvaratnam did face consequences: Friends, family members and strangers rebuked her. She woke up in the middle of the night feeling afraid, she said. She felt shame both for experiencing the abuse and for sharing private details of her life. But still, she wrote, while she regrets getting into the relationship with Schneiderman, she does not regret speaking out.
Often, alleged perpetrators are not punished in a court of law. But sometimes they are: In September, Bill Cosby was sentenced to three to 10 years for drugging and sexually assaulting a woman. Harvey Weinstein has been indicted in New York.
In other cases, they are punished in the court of public opinion: Schneiderman, for instance, resigned his position as attorney general within three hours of The New Yorker publishing its story. And TIME keeps a list of all the prominent figures who have faced allegations of sexual misconduct after the Weinstein allegations. There are 142. Some have been demoted, some fired, with others apologizing in disgrace.
It is never fair to survivors to bear the burden of sharing their pain with the world, and it should always be their choice to speak. It’s their lives on the line. Sometimes they are in more danger reporting their assaults than keeping them secret; their decisions must be respected.
Unfortunately, there is no way alleged perpetrators will face repercussions if survivors don’t come forward. It may seem like the #MeToo momentum stalled with Kavanaugh being sworn in as a Supreme Court justice. It most certainly will if people get discouraged. Don’t hide. Speak. Vote. Protections for women have never come easily. They have required sacrifice. They will continue to require sacrifice, until enough people turn to listen.
If you or someone you know needs resources or support related to sexual violence, contact the Maine Coalition Against Sexual Assault’s 24/7 hotline at 800-871-7741.
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