A week of stupid exploits

Posted Aug. 06, 2010, at 5:58 p.m.

Here’s the stupid thing I did this week.

I went to a kick-ass concert and pretended that I was 20 years old.

Since I am not 20 and since I had to get up at 5 a.m. the next morning to co-host a radio talk show, this journey back through time turned into a slightly less than pleasurable experience for me.

But I survived and will go on to further push the limits of my own stupidity.

As I pondered my own foolishness Friday morning, I could not help but take note that in the stupidity department it would seem that this week, anyway, I am but an amateur.

I believe I was outdone by Matthew Catalano, whom a state trooper stopped for allegedly going 109 mph on Interstate 295 in Gardiner.

Catalano allegedly told the trooper that he was late to a party and that the speedometer in his 2002 Pontiac Firebird clearly was “off” as he was sure he was going only 97 mph.

Catalano was quite fortunate, actually. He simply got a free ride to the county jail and what most likely will be a hefty fine.

Justin Dilks, 34, of Quincy, Mass., was not so lucky. He died as he was driving 55 mph on Route 302 in Bridgton, while standing up on his 2004 Harley-Davidson Night Train motorcycle.

A tragedy, for sure.

But he was standing up while driving his bike and waving to his friends to boot, according to police reports.

A friend and fellow biker was seriously injured when she swerved to avoid Dilks’ crash.

On his personal blog, Boston “motorcycle attorney” Thomas Kiley noted that “many factors [led] to the death of Justin Dilks, but we can narrow them down to the most obvious three.”

Three?

Seriously?

The first factor was his failure to wear a helmet, Kiley wrote.

The second was that he was “standing on his bike,” which in a brilliant and lawyerly deduction, Kiley opined, “just seems as a very irresponsible behavior — an accident waiting to happen.”

Third, he notes that the stretch of Route 302 where the accident occurred is known to be busy and is “a frequent crash site.”

ESPECIALLY WHEN YOU DRIVE YOUR MOTORCYCLE WHILE STANDING ON IT!

I’ve written for this paper for a couple of decades and I can assure you we do not make stuff up, even for the entertainment of our out-of-state tourists, whom we certainly do aim to please. I am, however, fairly confident that please and tickle them we did with Wednesday morning’s story about Gary Hamilton and his son Scott of Ellsworth.

If I didn’t know better I would swear that this gem was a fabrication of an otherwise bored-out-of-his-mind reporter.

Sadly, it’s true.

Now, these two Hamilton fellows came to be all kind of concerned when a moose lumbered onto the property at the Family Bottle Redemption out on Route 179.

So they did what any true local would do when trying to rid his property of a 1,000-or-so-pound beast.

They drove straight at it full bore.

According to Wednesday’s story, Scott Hamilton, 39, went first, charging the animal in his brown van. The moose was seemingly unimpressed with Scott’s attack and continued to graze.

The police showed up, and as the Ellsworth police officer observed the moose from a safe distance, Gary Hamilton, 59, allegedly jumped into a white box truck, drove through the parking lot, around the police cruiser and straight at the moose at a “high rate of speed.”

Hamilton blinked first and swerved off to avoid hitting the animal.

When good and ready, the moose wandered back into the woods and at last report has not been seen since.

Gary and Scott were charged with using a motor vehicle to kill, injure or molest a wild animal.

So, OK, on Thursday night I wore a cliche black T-shirt, put on my favorite jeans, stood in long lines for beer that was expensive and cheap at the same time and danced like I was 20 years old.

On Friday morning I was feeling a bit sheepish and just a tad stupid for my shameless attempt to recapture my youth, but alas, after a review of the week’s news, I’d say that, relatively speaking, I’m almost a genius.

E-mail Renee at reneeordway@gmail.com and listen to her and co-host Dan Frazell from 7 to 9 a.m. Monday through Friday on the radio at 103.1 The Pulse.

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