Articles by Emmet Meara

 
EMMET MEARA

The older I get, the better my bed feels

By Emmet Meara on Feb. 08, 2016, at 11:55 a.m.
I was never much of a go-getter even in in my younger, summery days. Now that I have passed age 75 and the temperature sinks, I value every minute spent in my queen-size bed.
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Emmet Meara

Mysterious intruder means it’s time to start locking my front door

By Emmet Meara on Feb. 01, 2016, at 11:58 a.m.
A cab was parked in the Cobb Manor driveway with the lights on, engine running. The police officer said that the cabbie had driven a young man in a green coat to my house. Green Coat got out of the cab and came into my house for money. He never came back out. The cabbie called the police and never left the driveway, he said.
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Emmet Meara

Laughing with (and at) friends is one of life’s great pleasures

By Emmet Meara on Jan. 25, 2016, at 12:07 p.m.
The weirdest occurrences bring back those memories of the midcoast press corps and their associates. We didn’t win any Pulitzers or any other awards during our few decades on the coast, but my God, didn’t we laugh.
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Emmet Meara

What kind of person pulls a lottery prank?

By Emmet Meara on Jan. 18, 2016, at 11:15 a.m.
Emmet Meara: I don’t know if you heard, but a very bad son lottery-pranked his beloved mother by counterfeiting her real Powerball ticket.
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Emmet Meara

Here’s what I’d do if I won the big lottery

By Emmet Meara on Jan. 11, 2016, at 1:05 p.m.
Emmet Meara: Imagine the possibilities. $1.4 billion.
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Emmet Meara

Here’s why photographs are more important than writing

By Emmet Meara on Jan. 04, 2016, at 1:03 p.m.
I hate good photographers. I despise great photographers and I know too many of them. Background: I was always the family photographer, simply because I had the good sense to walk up to the subject instead of standing a fathom or two away. I had my little Nikkorex and took …
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Emmet Meara

Forget the Times Square ball, let’s watch the giant nail drop

By Emmet Meara on Dec. 28, 2015, at 11:39 a.m.
I don’t know about you, but I am taking my tall PBRs to East Pennsboro Township, Pennsylvania. Forget Times Square.
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Emmet Meara

Never mind Christmas, here’s my birthday gift list

By Emmet Meara on Dec. 21, 2015, at 10:48 a.m.
All right. This is serious. It’s time to buy me some awesome (hate that word) presents. Today is my birthday. Friday is Christmas. Take out that credit card. It’s not maxed out yet. This is my 75th birthday (I KNOW!) so there may not be many more. I’m not as …
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Emmet Meara

Studying the history of Christmas may ruin your holiday

By Emmet Meara on Dec. 14, 2015, at 11:23 a.m.
Emmet Meara: Hey, don’t blame me. Blame the Scrooges at History.com.
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Emmet Meara

Big Red is back home again

By Emmet Meara on Dec. 07, 2015, at 1:28 p.m.
Can you go home again after 200,000 miles? Can you actually love a truck? Big Red looks awful good sitting in the Cobb Manor driveway.
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Emmet Meara

Sleep much? I’ve learned to celebrate my insomnia

By Emmet Meara on Nov. 30, 2015, at 11:13 a.m.
Insomnia? You remember the health requirement that you should get your eight hours’ sleep (uninterrupted) every night to lead a good life? Forget that one, too. I sleep in bits and pieces now and I no longer worry about it. I celebrate it. According to sleep historian (now, there’s a …
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Emmet Meara

I’m not dead yet but here’s my obituary

By Emmet Meara on Nov. 23, 2015, at 10:48 a.m.
Funeral arrangements, naturally, are incomplete. But they will include Otis Redding music.
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Emmet Meara

This is why I’m a sucker for flashlights and lanterns

By Emmet Meara on Nov. 16, 2015, at 1:56 p.m.
Did you fall for it, sucker? Last week, the “news site” NewsWatch33 reported that “astronomers from NASA have indicated that the world will enter total darkness for three days, starting on December 21, as a consequence of a solar storm. This storm is the largest of the last 50 years …
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Emmet Meara

Tailgaters have taken over our highways

By Emmet Meara on Nov. 09, 2015, at 5:42 p.m.
“I am sorry, but the morons have taken over the highways.”
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Emmet Meara

Turns out sarcasm is actually good for you

By Emmet Meara on Nov. 02, 2015, at 12:04 p.m.
I always considered my sniping sarcasm as a truly superior method of communication.
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Emmet Meara.

Dust mites find no shelter in my unmade bed

By Emmet Meara on Oct. 26, 2015, at 12:32 p.m.
The average bed contains up to 1.5 million dust mites, which die an unceremonious death when exposed to light in air. So leave that bed unmade.
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Emmet Meara

Time to dig out my ratty college basketball T-shirts

By Emmet Meara on Oct. 19, 2015, at 2:53 p.m.
“Men will never understand pocketbooks. Women will never understand college basketball T-shirts.”
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Emmet Meara

This old Irish tune always brings a tear to my eye

By Emmet Meara on Oct. 12, 2015, at 1:57 p.m.
The first time I heard “Carrickfergus” it stopped me in my tracks.
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Emmet Meara

A lot of effort went into not winning $300 million

By Emmet Meara on Oct. 05, 2015, at 10:03 a.m.
Three hundred million dollars out the window. Story of my life.
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Emmet Meara

The violent story behind a roadside cross in Nobleboro

By Emmet Meara on Sept. 28, 2015, at 4:01 p.m.
I never met Serra. But I always felt like I knew him.