Thanksgiving week has descended upon us. My festive side has started to keep track of the number of news stories that blather on about how many people will be traveling to “Grandma’s house” for the holiday dinner and the subsequent family arguments.
In case you are marginally amused—like I am—by SSNS (Standard Seasonal News Stories) I have seen the same story done by multiple networks right around 20 times, so far. I expect that number to rise as we crawl closer to Wednesday.
If you are looking for hard numbers, toss 55 million around in your mind. Those are just the folks who will be traveling in motor vehicles.
Five to six million humans will be adding air travel to their itinerary; I did not include therapy animals in that number, but, by the way it’s going, there will probably be millions of those on the airplanes as well.
As police officers, we are requesting that everyone remain calm; try to have a more open mind during dinner discussions, couch cushion collequys, table-talk and car ride conversations.
It is inevitable that the holidays bring stress into people’s lives. We have no desire to come to your dinner, I mean, unless it is for the express purpose to clean up the leftover pie, or possibly a turkey sandwich. However, we know it’s going to happen.
Moderating your alcohol intake when talking with family might be the ticket. No one invited Johnny Walker and Jack Daniels for their opinion.
We don’t expect tea-totaling to be the standard—but please don’t let those conversations or arguments become physical. You know your “Aunt Dawn” will both video record the melee AND call the cops. Who invited her, anyway?
Remain calm, smoke outside, discuss who gets the drumsticks before the turkey is placed on the table, white meat vs. dark meat arguments are not worth the fisticuffs that follow. Opinions are great, but you are not the only one at the table.
Drive carefully this week, leave early for events, don’t go to the grocery store after Tuesday. These are all very simple strategies for more peaceful holiday.
If you do need us, please call us before your Aunt Dawn does. We will come. That’s what we do.
But, truth be told, we are hopeful that we don’t have to see any of you.
Unless it’s about pie.
Have a safe week.
Keep your hands to yourself, leave other people’s things alone, and be kind to one another.
We will be here.
BPD Duck of Justice is published in BDN Maine Weekly on Thursdays. This installment is for Nov. 28.