Message to politicians, wanna-be-politicians, wanna-be-politicians-who-tell-us-you-are-not-yet-a-politician, and politicians who will always tell us you are not a politician even after being elected as a politician.
This message is also for the caravan of political sign posters who have found that it is physically possible to place 27,387 signs near the sidewalk at important intersections throughout the city when, in fact, the space has scientifically been proven to have the volume of earth necessary to hold no more than 3 political signs.
YOU ARE BLOCKING OUR VIEW.
The complaints have started to come in, some to our Facebook Messenger account. These folks feel that they would like to safely travel through intersections by actually being able to see oncoming traffic. I know- silly humans.
Think about it- if a person is being cautious and attempting to traverse the Queen City in order to get to a dentist appointment and they pull out into a major thoroughfare believing that it is safe to do so and then are suddenly T-boned; do you, the honest politician, want the last thing they saw, prior to the deployment of the airbag, to be your name?
We think not.
If the complaints continue at certain locations, we will be forced to remove enough signs so that sunlight can actually reach the ground in that area.
We have no political affiliation so the signs we remove will more than likely be the signs which are causing the problem for motorists.
After removing several thousand of the signs, and finding that the way is clear for folks to clearly observe oncoming traffic, we will bring the signs to our police station and stack them in a garage bay for your people to come and pick them up at their convenience.
During the last presidential election we collected enough signs to build a bridge directly to Halifax, Nova Scotia. Several of the officers took their families across the water in order to go to an AYCE seafood joint right on the bay. We were forced to take the bridge down after realizing that elected politicians had not approved the permitting process- we apologize.
^Nothing in that last paragraph is true^
^Politicians should place a sentence like this in all ads^
Please use caution and consideration in placing campaign signs at intersections. People get angry, they call us, it is possible that they reconsider their vote based purely on anger- incidentally- exactly the way they determine their vote without having the signs blocking their view.
Please, do not make it more difficult for folks to get safely through intersections.
We appreciate it.
I’m TC, and I approve this message.
Keep your hands to yourself, leave other people’s things alone, and be kind to one another.
We will be here. With a stack of signs.
BPD Duck of Justice is published in BDN Maine Weekly on Thursdays. This installment is for Nov. 1.