July 17, 2019
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Officer Cotton suggests unlimited tacos with Facebook rental offer

Community Author: Bangor Police Department
Post Date:

I love your notes, this one is from someone named Emiliana.

I get a lot of these, probably because 300,000 people visit our page.

There is no question we could do a lot with five grand a week.

At minimum, unlimited tacos on Tuesdays.

THE NOTE from “Emiliana”

“Hello I’m Interested in renting your page i’ll just give you 2 articles in a day that you can post yourself on the page i’ll pay you 5000 USD $ per week and my all payments will be done in advance. Note: We don’t need any kind of access on your page.”

MY STANDARD RESPONSE-

Dear Emiliana,

“I would rather that you just send me the money, in small bills, in a paper bag, sent directly to the Bangor Police Department at 240 Main Street in Bangor, Maine 04401.

I will take the bag, and some sunscreen, out on the sidewalk and pass out the money in increments of ten to twenty dollars. I will tell them that you provided, of course.

If we can do that, I think I can agree to this plan. What are your ads about? Would I have a choice of which ads were running? These are some of the questions the Chief will ask.

I am just trying to get ahead of it prior to the paper bag full of small bills arrives by Fed Ex or our UPS guy.

For the record, my name is Cotton. There is no E in Cotton.

Joseph Cotten, the actor, actually changed his last name, so it’s not an accurate representation of the original Cotton name. I am of English and Scottish descent. The Scot side of the family are still angry about that, but it is what it is.

Thank you.

Sincerely,

TC

BPD Duck of Justice is published occasionally in BDN Maine Weekly on Thursdays. This installment is for July 18.