August 18, 2019
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How to avoid the aftermath of a Bangor country concert

Community Author: Bangor Police Department
Post Date:
Bangor Police Department | Contributed
Bangor Police Department | Contributed

Lots of folks were on Main Street Thursday night for the appearance of Luke Bryan in the Waterfront Concert series.

Selecting alternate routes back to your abode back after a rough day at the office, rather than using lower Main Street, can help mitigate the sudden blurtation of the following adjectives: anxious, bewildered, annoying, confused, defeated, depressed and disgusted.

If you are now looking up blurtation rather than investigating a few different routes home, you probably have not experience the hellishness of one of our MTJs (Maine Traffic Jams).

Definition of a Maine Traffic Jam:

“When, on your way home from work, you find that there are several more cars in line at the light, causing you and your passengers to be delayed from reaching your destination by more than fifteen seconds.”

If the wait gets ridiculous, some have resorted to listening to more than one whole song during the extended drive to their destination.

Those who cannot deal with such ridiculousness are, again, asked to pick an alternate route home tonight.

If you would rather see the migration of Maine based humans who, for a short-time, are wearing ill-fitting cowboy hats and extremely short, recently cut-off “JORTS” (Jean shorts), please continue to use lower Main Street and enjoy the extended delays by observing the spectacle.

It is possible during this time to experience limited sightings of cowboy boots, and some body-parts which have not seen the sun since last summer.

The gaggle of roaming country-music fans will be full of vigor and merriment. Making eye contact with same could cause them to emit loud “whoops,” “yahoos,” and the occasional “#ell yeahs!”

Please do not call us about that. I told you to avoid the area if you can’t handle such activity.

Keep your hands to yourself, leave other people’s things alone, and be kind to one another.

Note: If you are cutting off a pair of jeans for tonight’s concert, remember- less is more.

We will be here, call us if you need us.

TC

BPD