Articles by Emmet Meara

 
EMMET MEARA
Abercrombie & Fitch cargo shorts.

They’ll have to pry the cargo shorts off my cold, dead behind

By Emmet Meara on Aug. 29, 2016, at 12:10 p.m.
They will have to pry my cargo shorts off my cold, dead Irish behind. Every few years, some fashion maven (who obviously doesn’t wear shorts) attacks the very existence of the world’s most comfortable leisure wear. What do they know? I have been wearing cargo and regular shorts for nine …
EMMET MEARA
Singer Bonnie Raitt arrives at the 58th Grammy Awards in Los Angeles, Feb. 15, 2016.

Sorry, Bonnie Raitt. I’m done dealing with people who talk during concerts.

By Emmet Meara on Aug. 22, 2016, at 12:17 p.m.
I shall spend no more time with the concert blowhards, not even for Raitt. Unless she decides to play on the Cobb Manor deck.
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Emmet Meara

Mercy killing of birch tree like losing another friend

By Emmet Meara on Aug. 15, 2016, at 12:05 p.m.
I committed murder last week. Cost me $325. It was worth it, I think. The victim was an ailing birch tree which had been at Cobb Manor a lot longer than I had. It was a mercy killing, since the birch had been self-trimming for the past few years. Last …
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Emmet Meara

Summer party at my place is now known as Hammerfest

By Emmet Meara on Aug. 08, 2016, at 11:16 a.m.
Emmet Meara: It’s been a Cobb Manor tradition for three decades. Apparently, we must have a deck party to celebrate every Maine Lobster Festival.
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A few lobsters can be seen at the University of Maine in Orono in this March 2015 file photo.

Here’s why I have never eaten a lobster

By Emmet Meara on Aug. 01, 2016, at 10:23 a.m.
I have never eaten a lobster in my life. It seems likely that I shall pass from the Earth without tasting one. It all goes back to 129 Perham St. in West Roxbury.
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Emmet Meara

Michael Moore’s latest movie hits Americans where we don’t live

By Emmet Meara on July 25, 2016, at 1:57 p.m.
Moore might be fat and sloppy. He might have a mustard stain on his shirt. He stomps all over his message for two hours, but I think it might be productive to study the lessons of other countries if we truly profess to love our own.
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This piece of strawberry pie is among the dessert offerings Helen's had available to patrons when it reopened in Machias, May 19, 2015.

The pie at Helen’s Restaurant is worth the trip Down East

By Emmet Meara on July 18, 2016, at 9:42 a.m.
Emmet Meara: That’s it. I am selling Cobb Manor, lock, stock and lawn mower. I am moving to Machias, eating at Helen’s Restaurant three meals a day and marrying a waitress at the famous, revived eatery on the Machias River.
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Emmet Meara

Forget what your mom said. Let your kids stay up late and swear.

By Emmet Meara on July 11, 2016, at 11:09 a.m.
According to our new pals at YourTango, the three mortal sins of sloth, swearing and staying up late are now considered signs of unusual intelligence, like mine.
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Emmet Meara

Ever have one of ‘those days’? I know them all too well.

By Emmet Meara on July 04, 2016, at 12:07 p.m.
I don’t know about you, but I have one of “those days” a little too often.
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Emmet Meara

My kayak works better strapped to the roof of my car

By Emmet Meara on June 27, 2016, at 9:33 a.m.
I could leave the kayak on the roof all summer (possibly winter) to find the car in the parking lot with ease.
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Parker Laite Sr.

Camden’s Parker Laite the happiest person I ever met

By Emmet Meara on June 13, 2016, at 1:18 p.m.
I’m sure Parker Laite had an enemy somewhere. I never met one.
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Boxing great Muhammad Ali poses during the Crystal Award ceremony at the World Economic Forum in Davos, Switzerland, Jan. 28, 2006.

Here’s why I refused to listen to the Ali-Foreman fight

By Emmet Meara on June 06, 2016, at 10:46 a.m.
Emmet Meara: He was the best fighter that ever was, and I wish him the very best in whatever happens to us after death. He will be cracking up the crowd, wherever he is.
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Emmet Meara

Here’s proof you can be messy and smart

By Emmet Meara on May 30, 2016, at 10:16 a.m.
There is a philosophy afoot that messiness is a certain sign of brilliance. I must be the smartest man in the world. At least on Cobb Road.
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A white-footed mouse

I am battling mice straight out of a Stephen King story

By Emmet Meara on May 23, 2016, at 12:03 p.m.
Emmet Meara: I am at wit’s end, which has become a short trip, indeed. The only thing I can think of, other than napalm, is to revert to a better mouse trap. What would Stephen King do?
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Emmet Meara

Busted: Wife discovers garage door opener, catches husband cheating

By Emmet Meara on May 16, 2016, at 9:54 a.m.
Emmet Meara: It has always been one of my favorite stories. I will tell it at the drop of a hat, whatever that means.
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Emmet Meara

Here’s what happened to the fishing boat used in ‘Jaws’

By Emmet Meara on May 09, 2016, at 3:34 p.m.
“Jaws” was considered a movie-making disaster in 1975, since it went four times over its budget. Director Steven Spielberg told Vanity Fair that he expected to get fired every single day. But Captain Quint and the shark made it a smash hit, the first film to top $100 million in revenue.
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Emmet Meara.

When spring comes around, my thoughts turn to windbreakers

By Emmet Meara on May 02, 2016, at 9:35 a.m.
Let’s check the luxury windbreaker offerings of Men’s Journal.
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Seagulls line the roofs of homes in a Camden neighborhood. A group of residents have asked the Select Board to develop a local law to prohibit the excessive feeding of wildlife.

When it comes to feeding the birds, I am guilty as charged

By Emmet Meara on April 25, 2016, at 9:19 a.m.
No matter what the results of the vote on June 14, I will stand by my winter crows until death … or that $300-a-day fine.
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Emmet Meara

That time I flew in a Coast Guard helicopter still makes me sweat

By Emmet Meara on April 18, 2016, at 9:41 a.m.
The captain told us “It’s time for the Big Goodbye.” I didn’t know what that was, but I knew I wasn’t going to like it.
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Emmet Meara

My new hero is the golf pro who six-putted at the Masters

By Emmet Meara on April 11, 2016, at 9:57 a.m.
Everyone should have a hero.