Phil Harriman (left) and Ethan Strimling (right). Credit: Gabor Degre / BDN

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Ethan: Are you ready to accept the results?

Phil: That the Patriots aren’t going to win the Super Bowl? Yes.

Ethan: That was a given once Tom Brady left, but that wasn’t what I was talking about.

Phil: That your Giants won’t either? Sorry, buddy, clearly Daniel Jones is not Eli Manning reincarnated.

Ethan: I suspect you are right on that one too. But no, those aren’t the results I was referencing.

Phil: Are you talking about Republicans holding the U.S. Senate? Most definitely. Worst case scenario, we only lose one of the Georgia seats.

Ethan: Worst case scenario is Democrats win one, so two is definitely within reach. But again, those are not the results I was referring to.

Phil: Let’s see, maybe you are referring to the fact that Democrats will try to raise taxes in 2021? Yes, I have accepted that result. I hope my Republican colleagues use their majority in the U.S. Senate to hold together and not take more money out of our pockets, but I am sure Democrats will try.

Ethan: I can only hope you are wrong. For too long, the rich have not paid their fair share. Hence education, health care, and our environment have suffered. But no, those aren’t the results I am referring to.

Phil: Perhaps you are referring to Nancy Pelosi being elected Speaker of the House again? Yeah, I have accepted that reality. Republicans shrunk her majority enough that Democrats should see that she is a liability, but they won’t.

Ethan: If not for Pelosi, the excesses of Donald Trump would have gone so much further. Our party needs to name a congressional building after that woman. But again, those are not the results I am referring to. Think about our courts.

Phil: You mean the Superior Court in Portland that is now deciding whether that clarity-lacking referendum of yours should propel Portland’s minimum wage to $18 an hour, the highest in the western hemisphere?

Ethan: “The highest in the western hemisphere.” I like the way that sounds for our workers. That said, the vote to implement that wage was a clear and resounding yes. The court is now merely deciding whether and when to implement the will of the people.

Phil: Well, it’s mostly a question of when, so, if the judge rules in favor of increasing the wage now, get ready for hundreds of layoffs of workers in small businesses. That result is inevitable.

Ethan: Seeing as tons of businesses are already implementing the new wage, small and large alike, I expect you will be disappointed to see that our side has been right all along. But that was not the court I was referring to. Think of what the Supreme Court just slammed the door on.

Phil: Oh yes, helpful clue! You mean when Andrew Cuomo violated the separation of church and state and the Supreme Court reminded him that the Constitution matters more than him.

Ethan: No, not that ruling. Whatever happened to conservatives believing in state’s rights, by the way?

Phil: Well, I am stumped. I have mentioned every possible result I can think of.

Ethan: Really?

Phil: Patriots. Georgia Senate. Nancy Pelosi. Portland. Andrew Cuomo. What else is there?

Ethan: Think “Electoral College.”

Phil: Oh! You mean the effort by progressives to throw out 250 years of constitutional process to replace the Electoral College with the popular vote, thereby leaving states like Maine with even less influence? No thanks. I will not accept that one lying down.

Ethan: Yeah, God forbid the person in the White House actually be the person a majority of Americans voted for. But no, that is not the result I was referring to.

Phil: Well, you’re gonna have to tell me.

Ethan: You know, now that the Supreme Court has slammed the door on the final lawsuit and the aforementioned Electoral College has voted 306-232 — the result of Joe Biden being elected 46th president of the United States?

Phil: Oh. Yeah. I accept that one.

Phil Harriman, a former town councilor and state senator from Yarmouth, is the founding partner of Lebel & Harriman, a financial services firm. Ethan Strimling, a former mayor and state senator from Portland, is the president of Swing Hard. Turn Left, which promotes progressive policy at the local, state and national levels.