September 24, 2017
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Comments for: Teen father of 3-month-old boy who died in November charged with manslaughter

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  • Anonymous

    Sick

  • Anonymous

    Put a face to the story. http://bangordailynews.com/2012/11/27/obituaries/xander-charles-brown/ Sad story all around.

    • jp

      putting a face to this article helps you how…

    • Anonymous

      What a beautiful little boy.

  • davida willette

    you know some people 18 or 19 years old dont act there age babies are not toys not to be shaken or thrown around or punched

    • Anonymous

      Unfortunately, many 18 and 19 year olds do act their age. The fact is they are not full matured biologically. Some will also be more so than others and some will be less so than others, we are all a little different.

      Obviously, I do not condone what happened here, but I do understand the nature of how it can happen.

      Babies should never be handled with anything but gentleness, but shaken baby injuries and death are generally a response to the frustration of not being able to calm a crying baby. Newborns do have a shrill cry that does get on our nerves. That is a feature to let us know they are in distress for whatever reason. Babies can swallow quite a bit of air when they cry and this exacerbates a situation of colic. If you have an infant that cries excessively, enlist the help of family members, and/or seek help from a pediatrician.

      • County Escapee

        The problem is that they ARE biologically mature but not mentally mature!
        If they were, they’d be able to cope with colic, 4 hour feedings, diaper rash, teething, terrible two’s…… but that gets in the way of being a kid yourselves.
        It’s easier to change a condom than a diaper….

        • Anonymous

          They are not completely biologically mature, because the brain is maturing past the teen years into our twenties. Many of them can and do cope with the needs and crying of an infant but clearly not all of them can and do.

          Then all of those who do shake an infant are not always teen or twenty something parents. There are older parents who lack the necessary impulse control under extreme stress. That could be a neurobiological or emotional issue. Very few of those who have injured or killed their infants had any intention of doing so, but in one tragic instant have done so.

          That is why I have posted that we should offer to help young parents or new parents if we can do so. Offer to babysit for free for a couple of hours if you have the time. Offer to take a newborn so a parent can nap if they need to. Tell a new parent they can call you in the middle of the night when things aren’t going well.Talk to them until they are calmer or go to them and help if you can. It will usually require less than two hours of your time and it will mean so much to a parent and the baby.

          • County Escapee

            Since I’m a two finger typer, I’ll just say that 13 yr olds can biologically reproduce. Mentally is a whole different story biologically speaking (they are different!). As far as ‘help’ goes, historically grand parents, aunts and uncles took the place of the gov’t help, but they may be as distanced from the sense of responsibility as the parents are: todays attitude at its best, unfortunately. We’re obviously from different generations….

          • Anonymous

            I am from a generation where grandparents and extended family stepped in and helped without being asked. It was probably more expected in my mother’s generation. But my Mom died when I was 23, my Dad died six years before that and my grandparent were all deceased. My firstborn had one grandparent who had had multiple strokes and could not be expected to help much. I had my first child when I was 38 so there was little extended family support for me. I know what it feels like to go it alone, although my husband was very supportive.

            With younger kids having babies, grandparents are often still working full time and may not have enough time to support the parents of their grandchildren in the way they might like to. I don’t expect the government to step in necessarily but hospitals and pediatricians can offer some help. Many hospitals compete for the OB patients and offering and giving extended services could be a way of winning those patients. Pediatricians can win a bigger market share by having an all night nurse (service) available. Having someone to call in the middle of the night when a baby is screaming instead of sleeping could be a huge plus for a lot of new parents. Sometimes just a few words of reassurance and encouragement can ready a new parent to try again to comfort that screaming kid calmly.

          • County Escapee

            All that be as it may, and I am more than aware of ALL you have stated, my Ma used to call her sister States away when she got frustrated with the 6 of us I’m the oldest and her Gran)), there is NO reason to shake a baby. Saying that there should be gov’t help for babies having babies is wrong. Everybody has an out or someone to call when in such DIRE straits. Family, not an agency, is what’s needed…. END

          • Anonymous

            My Mom took in foster kids, all infants. One was an SBS baby with severe injuries. I had exposure to infants from the time I was seven. Some of them were criers, some were happy content infants. I was sure when I had my first at 38 years of age, I was ready. NOTHING could have prepared me for our first night. When I had done all of the things I knew how to do, she was still screaming. I was frustrated, guilty, and defeated. I put her in her crib and went to get her Dad. She went to sleep in the interim. Apparently all she wanted was to be left alone so she could sleep.

            I had no parents living, no grandparents living, my friends kids were all approaching college ages, not infants. I literally had no one to call in the wee hours of that morning. Luckily, she was not my husband’s first child and he was very supportive that night and every night thereafter.

            I agree that family is what is needed, but community based services, not government, can be the next line of defense.

          • Anonymous

            BDN will probably delete me again because this comment is in same vein as a previous one, but: If the government would stop paying kids to have kids, there might not be so many abused children out there. Family help or not, if kids are given financial incentives to have kids, they will not learn to be responsible adults.

      • Anonymous

        Or keep it in your pants and don’t have kids until you grow enough to raise them right.

        • Anonymous

          Sometimes a baby is unintended even with birth control. I suppose complete abstinence would work, but we know that is just not a likely scenario.

  • jp

    you should never judge until you know the whole story…

    • Anonymous

      The term ‘traumatic head injury’ is all I need to judge.

      • jp

        and that is your opinion. hopefully you wouldn’t be so quick to judge when/if you have this happen to someone you know.

  • Anonymous

    Let’s remember that indictment and conviction are not synonyms…

    • Anonymous

      People who don’t know the difference between the two likely won’t know what ‘synonym’ means…but at least you tried ;)

      • Anonymous

        Thats easy, synonym is like the stuff you put on your toast in the morning. duhhhhhhhh

      • Anonymous

        Haha, good point!

  • What i posted was my opinion and anger speaking but i do agree that its also that “one minute tragedy”. Young, first time parents need more free help & counseling.

    • Anonymous

      The counseling needs to be done BEFORE the baby is conceived.

  • jp

    how many shaken baby accidents have happened with parents above the age of 18-19? this could happen to anyone at anytime considering the context of earlier comments “only takes a moment for a shake to go bad”….

    • babblingsahm

      Where does it say the baby was shaken?

      • PabMainer

        It doesn’t…..point of fact thus far…..

  • Anonymous

    IF this guy is guilty then he is just as guilty as the guy who took the lives of the kids in Newtown. No more no less. ANYONE who makes excuses for this type of behavior is as guilty by making excuses as those who knew about his behavior and did nothing to intervene. I do not believe that the teenager was in fear of his life therefore he is guilty of murder/manslaughter. A three month old… No excuses allowed. A capitol crime deserves a capitol punishment. Enough is enough.

    • Anonymous

      Rebecca, very few of those who shake a baby have any intention of hurting that child. Think about how this is reaction that many parents and caregivers have (of those who have hurt infants). People shake infants as an impulsive reaction to the stress of an infants consistent crying. School shooters have to plan and acquire weapons, it is NOT the same. I wish it were. Many school shooters are stopped before they cause injury. I wish we could stop more people before they give in to the impulse. This is an impulse that is felt, acted on, and completed, usually in under a minute, and there is no undoing the damage. I would bet 99.999% would give their own lives if they could turn back that clock.

      • babblingsahm

        Where does it say the baby was shaken? Head trauma can be caused in many different ways.

        • Anonymous

          I guess I did make an assumption based on the facts that he was not charged immediately and that the charge was manslaughter not murder.

        • PabMainer

          Finally, someone with a factual point related to the limited info presented re: “inflicted head trauma” rather than rambling on about an assumption…..thank-you!

          • Rusjan

            The manslaughter charge is indicative of intent. Rest assure, that if a murder charge was warranted, and if it fell under the guidelines and met the legal standards of the charge, he would have been charged with murder. It obviously did not meet the standard, And there’s no assumption related to the charge, it’s either one or the other.

      • Anonymous

        You are kidding, right? How can you justify any action that involves hurting a child? What is done can’t be changed. Put him in general population and hope justice is done. There is NO excuse for hurting a child in any way, shape or form.

        • Anonymous

          I am not defending this young man,nor anyone else who hurts a child. I have an infant grandchild.

          I was hoping to help people understand how and why this does happen so that maybe one or more persons will step up and help a new parent so there are fewer tragedies.

        • Anonymous

          And this is exactly the attitude which lends aid and comfort to those who have no sense of compassion towards those who cannot defend themselves. It is usually offered by those who also have no care or compassion for the defenseless. Only those who are like themselves. Hense the moaning and groaning about how it wasn’t his fault …he didn’t mean too… it was an accident… and on and on and on. After all why should babies be protected when they can be destroyed at will only 3 months before the due date? No loss .. RIGHT? (sorry for the sarcasm for those who actually understand)

        • Anonymous

          Murder is an intentional killing of another person. Manslaughter is not. I don’t think raysgirl is justifying what happened in the least, just pointing out that the death was not intentional, as opposed to the Newtown deaths, which were.

          • Rusjan

            I agree. It’s obvious that one is premeditated and one is not, and I doubt that this crime could ever be proved as premeditated.. I don’t think anyone is justifying a crime involving a child, laws (in every state) distinguish between the types of crimes and the charges associated with them,; not district attorney’s and not judges.

      • Anonymous

        When you shake an infant it is WITH the knowledge that you are going to inflict pain & hurt, not to mention trauma.. I strongly disagree with your statement that ” very few of those who shake a baby have any intention of hurting that child”.

    • Anonymous

      Seriously…you want the State of Maine to kill this 18 year old? …AND ANYONE who accepts that manslaughter is a different crime than a premeditated murder like Newtown? WOW! Do you include the legislature that enacted our criminal code which recognizes the distinction – as do 49 other states and the federal courts? The comments calling for death and throwing him in “the general population” so he can be beaten are wacky and certainly make me quite relieved that we do not have the death penalty in Maine. We have a criminal code based on centuries of thought, jury trials and a sentencing structure that you would surely miss if you actually had to live under the justice system you espouse. For example – your comments simply challenging ANY “rights” of a father would not go down too well in certain areas of Afganistan…and might subject YOU to a knock on your door in the middle of the night.

      As do we all, this 18 year old has a right be tried (by the way- not everyone who is charged gets convicted). If found guilty he’ll get a sentence taking into account the particular facts of his case- which we do not know yet. In the meantime I would follow the advice of Raysgirl and do something to assure that teen parents are educated to recognize when things are getting out of control. Offer to babysit for young parents so they can get a break. Though, actually, I’m not sure I’d want someone who wants to kill an 18 year old babysitting my kid.

  • PabMainer

    It is never right or acceptable to inflict such trauma on an infant…..such a shame….

  • County Escapee

    When I was 17, none of my classmates were ready for the responsibility of a lifetime of commitment to anything, let alone a baby. Oh, it happened followed by a shotgun marriage, but never this.
    If it was a ‘minute of rage, frustration, loss of control’, couldn’t that be a defense for many adult killings? I know it is a common defense, but I never could get THAT angry, especially to my own offspring.
    I was the oldest of 6 and even washed out many of their cotton diapers, plus 2 of my own, so I have an idea.

  • Anonymous

    Yeah but let’s not have easy access to birth control or sex ed in schools because abstinence clearly works so well……

  • Anonymous

    Shaking a baby is a failure to control an impulse, usually under circumstances of extreme stress. An infant or newborns cry is shrill and grating. It is like that so we don’t ignore the needs of the very young, but when it goes on and on and on, sometimes for no apparent reason, then it becomes more and more stressful.

    Parents need to be told, if they have met all of the baby’s needs, and it persists in crying inconsolably, it is OK to lay the baby down gentle and walk away for a few minutes. Because today, most households require two incomes, both parents have to work. If they have been up for several nights in a row, they are sleep deprived and exhausted. The odds of giving in to an impulse go up.

    Family members of new parents, friends of new parents, can make a great deal of difference. Offer to help. Offer to sleep on the couch and take baby duty for a night and let a new parent or parents sleep. This is the biggest and probably the best gift you can give a new parent. Help them know they don’t have to be in it alone, that is OK to want and need help.

    Hospitals can do more by extending services to parents without cost or penalty. Give new parents a place to call for advice and support. A little support can go a long way to helping parents and their new infants.

    • Anonymous

      Thank you for posting this information, it is very good advice and I hope it helps someone.

  • Anonymous

    Most animals take better care of their young. There is no excuse for such an act. None.

  • Anonymous

    Please take a minute to check out this site and share it with anyone who has or cares for a young child.
    THE PERIOD OF PURPLE CRYING
    http://www.purplecrying.info/
    Thanks, for sharing.

    • Anonymous

      THANK YOU FOR SHARING.

  • Anonymous

    Boy it seems like there have been a lot of young children getting hurt in the past few years.

  • HowdyNeighbor

    “Seven of the 25 homicides in Maine in 2012 happened in Bangor.”

    No surprise there…

  • MIKE SHERWOOD

    too bad ya cant pick your parents…my prayers for all involved..i feel as if todays parents well a lot of them shouldnt raise a chicken..some kind of parenting killing your own child…but god will deal with you…

  • BellaRain

    I have scanned over all of everyone’s comments that they have posted. I happen to know Dustin personally. You might say we were rather close. But that is besides the point. Xander was not a fussy child at all. He was actually a very calm and happy baby. So everyone’s assumptions on this matter that he was fussy baby was incorrect. Yes all of you do not know the facts on what actually happened with this young man the night that Xander passed, but that doesn’t mean that Dustin is pure evil. Or that he had evil intentions toward Xander. I am positive Dustin loved his son. I am sure he did NOT mean to harm him. I am sure it was one of those moments where you act on impulse, and I’m sure most women would agree with me on this. Most men act on their impulses and normally do NOT think before they act, and this may have been one of those very moments. I am NOT defending what Dustin did, but I do NOT think he did this with the intention of hurting his own infant son. I do think that maybe he wasn’t as ready to be a father as he might have thought he was, but that does not excuse what he did. I know from experience that it is MANDITORY you watch the purple crying video now in hospitals before you can bring an infant home with you. So I am pretty sure Dustin had watched that video. I also believe that you should pay for the bad choices you make I life. In Dustin’s case harming his son. He may or may not serve time for this, but that is up to the judge and we have NO say on the matter obviously. Also as for the person I read them stating their opinion saying that ” babies should not be having babies” I think that it does not matter the age, but it more matters on the person maturity and their way of thinking when it comes to things. Just because there are a lot of young or teenage parents out there now a days does not make them ALL bad parents because they are young or as older people would call them “babies”. There are some 16-17 year old parents who act more mature then people in their mid 30s. So being young yes it can affect their parenting skills but it does not automatically make them bad parents. Being a bad parent is not age related. Yes new parents are not as up to date or as quick to act as parents who have had children before. There are parents out there in their mid 30’s that are NEW parents, but are the targets? No. Most people would automatically assume that because the are older they are going to make better parents. That is CRAP. So stop picking on the teen or young parents and start thinking about the whole picture. Just thought I would put my input on this. Also just because people have been schooled about the issues does not mean that they would follow that training in the situation. In a perfect world that would be true. But the world we live in is FAR from perfect.

  • Jack Torrence

    there are few people in the world i reserve my right to say this about…child killers, molesters. perverts…all should rot in hell

  • Anonymous

    Parents are the ones who are responsible for their children and their up bringing. The majority of teens today who have children are irresponsable. They are not emotionally ready for raising children and that is why we have more then ever grandparents raising their grand children. Teens do not realize the life long altering changes that take place when you have children. The manjority of teens today with children are on some type of state aid or assistance.. In my day the father got a job and supported the family and the mother raised the children. Young teens of today don;t have a clue about responsability, a lot of them don’t even have jobs but their having babies. The only ones we have to blame for “Babies having Babies” is ourselves. Until children are taught self respect, values, responsability and morals we will continue to read horror stories like this.

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