Articles by Erin Donovan

 
I'M GONNA KILL HIM
Erin Donovan

Flying at 30,000 feet is best experienced in the cockpit if you’re a control freak

By Erin Donovan on Aug. 07, 2013, at 1:48 p.m.
For as long as I can remember I’ve been fearful of flying. I’m not so immobilized by the fear that I can’t summon the strength to board a plane, but the flight path is paved with turbulence, both imagined and real. If I could liken my problems with aviation to …
ERIN DONOVAN
Erin Donovan

The tea party is over and so is our marriage

By Erin Donovan on July 31, 2013, at 9:56 a.m.
When we were kids, my brother and I held underwater tea parties at the bottom of our backyard pool. We plunged headfirst toward the deepest depth, holding the bubbles in our noses, trying to preserve as much air in our lungs as possible on the way down. Before reaching the …
ERIN DONOVAN
Erin Donovan

Honeymoon can expose the weak points in a couple’s relationship

By Erin Donovan on July 24, 2013, at 12:57 p.m.
In college I read an article in which a poll of newlywed women revealed that they did not have as much sex as they’d anticipated on their honeymoon. Instead, late-night activities included sleeping, eating and counting checks. I cast the magazine aside, cursing the post-modern woman and her unromantic notions …
ERIN DONOVAN
Erin Donovan

Parents need the skills of a Navy SEAL

By Erin Donovan on July 17, 2013, at 11:55 a.m.
My maiden name is Donovan, a traditional Irish name meaning Dark Warrior. Any person to witness the way I obtain additional pieces of cake at a wedding reception can attest to the aptness of this name. While my brother may be the one who became a Navy SEAL, I’d argue …
I'M GONNA KILL HIM
Erin Donovan

How I ended up wearing a Vera Wang wedding dress

By Erin Donovan on July 10, 2013, at 4:54 p.m.
I found my wedding dress the other day, encased in a box that was piled over with old magazines and socks that had long lost their mates. Just glimpsing the box, not even the dress within, sent my mind time-traveling back to the delicate days that are the run-up to …
I'M GONNA KILL HIM
Erin Donovan

This lobster left me thinking ‘we’re going to need a bigger boat’

By Erin Donovan on July 03, 2013, at 9:23 a.m.
Greg is from Maine, which means a great many things, but among them is that he is hard-wired to lust after lobster. He was raised eating lobster the way the rest of the world grew up with Mac N’ Cheese. And he eats lobster with a vigor reserved for a …
I'M GONNA KILL HIM
Erin Donovan

What do you say when God’s emissaries come knocking at your door?

By Erin Donovan on June 26, 2013, at 12:34 p.m.
Sunday started out in typical fashion in our house. Greg set about improving his physique with a cycling session followed by some free weights, while I frantically cleaned the house and put away laundry. I was in the midst of steam mopping the floors while holding the baby and trying …
ERIN DONOVAN
Erin Donovan

Midcoast multibajillionaire knows what her husband is doing before he does it

By Erin Donovan on June 19, 2013, at 9:57 a.m.
It’s no secret that men’s thought processes and the actions that result can mystify us women. I am constantly trying to levitate my brain out of my own cranium in an attempt to make order of the things my husband does. The second I creep up on his rationale, my …
I'M GONNA KILL HIM
Erin Donovan

The only travel checklist you’ll ever need

By Erin Donovan on June 12, 2013, at 5:15 p.m.
Most compromises of marriage elude me. No matter how many years I remain married, I will probably never understand how we should be decorating a room, handling joint accounts, or divvying holidays with our parents. The one thing I have mastered, however, is travel with my husband. It took some …
I'M GONNA KILL HIM
Erin Donovan

Textual relations for married people

By Erin Donovan on June 05, 2013, at 4:54 p.m.
The human language has been whittled down to a sparse shorthand of capital letters meant to convey action or expression. We see these acronyms everyday, things like BRB (Be Right Back) or ROFLCGU (Rolling On The Floor Laughing, Can’t Get Up). Even the stalwarts of the written word find they …
I'M GONNA KILL HIM
Erin Donovan

It’s a brave new SPF world when sunblock ceases to exist

By Erin Donovan on May 29, 2013, at 2:03 p.m.
Big things happen that change the world. Tornadoes in Oklahoma. Earthquakes in Haiti. Nuclear fallout in Japan. Wildfires in Arizona. Floods in the Gulf. Instability on Wall Street. The news coverage is like a tsunami, slapping us with a toppling wave of suffering and appeals for help. Then a tidal …
I'M GONNA KILL HIM
Erin Donovan

It’s hard to keep secrets from a friend who is clairvoyant

By Erin Donovan on May 22, 2013, at 3:06 p.m.
I recently learned that a friend of mine is a clairvoyant. A psychic clairvoyant to be precise. I don’t yet understand the distinction, but I am certain that it’s better than just being a brunette clairvoyant or a tall clairvoyant. Although being any kind of clairvoyant, which I discovered to …
I'M GONNA KILL HIM
Erin Donovan

A tale of two brothers, a cooler of beer and a strange motel in Wyoming

By Erin Donovan on May 15, 2013, at 4:17 p.m.
I’ve found over the years that couples have a repertoire of stories they delight in sharing at cocktail parties. First there are the tales they tell in tandem, each finishing the other’s sentence and expressing false chagrin, like it’s the first time they’ve recounted this story since the incident occurred …
ERIN DONOVAN
Erin Donovan

What our voicemail greetings say about us as we age

By Erin Donovan on May 08, 2013, at 10:42 a.m.
Voicemail greeting prior to marriage You’ve reached Erin. I’m not able to talk. Leave me a message and I’ll get back to you. Why exactly was I unable to talk? Why was I indisposed to sit around on the couch, simultaneously studying my manicure and discussing my DVR queue with …
I'M GONNA KILL HIM
Erin Donovan

Merging Facebook accounts proves there is such thing as too much sharing

By Erin Donovan on May 01, 2013, at 11:28 a.m.
I’ve noticed that my friend count on Facebook dwindles from time to time. At first I was alarmed that I’d announced something really unsavory and had lost friends as a result. I’m certainly prone to an impolitic soundbite about the Tea Party or the depressing state of modern celebrity, but …
ERIN DONOVAN
Erin Donovan

A separate vacation is a tradition I learned from my mother

By Erin Donovan on April 24, 2013, at 5:47 p.m.
My parents separated every summer. As far as my memory spans, my mom tossed our most basic belongings into the back of an old gray Toyota and we left my father behind, the veil of desert dust rising from the driveway in our wake. They didn’t separate in an irreconcilable …
I'M GONNA KILL HIM
Erin Donovan

Birthday celebrations are tough for those with a low party IQ

By Erin Donovan on April 17, 2013, at 7:01 p.m.
My eldest child turned 5 years old last week. I worry that I didn’t create enough fanfare or deliver the needed dose of magic. It wasn’t a bad day; He won’t be penning an Irish memoir about his parents absconding with his shiny birthday coins to spend them on pints …
ERIN DONOVAN
Erin Donovan

Shake Weight good for a laugh, but that’s about it

By Erin Donovan on April 10, 2013, at 10:13 a.m.
My husband bought one of those dumbbells that needs to be shaken in order to sculpt muscles. It’s called the Shake Weight, an intuitive moniker that tells you all you really need to know about it yet everyone describes the apparatus by its peculiar function. If you tell someone that …
ERIN DONOVAN
Erin Donovan

Cupcake joke after visit to the pool hall leads to Easter brunch disaster

By Erin Donovan on April 03, 2013, at 3:54 p.m.
I once ate 13 sticky buns at an Easter brunch. I was young, and possessed the kind of metabolism that didn’t flinch at a deluge of Karo syrup. I can’t explain why I ate that many; I only recall that Mrs. Benson kept pushing glaze-coated nuggets off a hot tray, …
I'M GONNA KILL HIM
Erin Donovan

Desperately seeking Maine’s spring season

By Erin Donovan on March 27, 2013, at 1:56 p.m.
When explorer John Smith made landfall in America and began charting the shoreline of the East Coast, it is reported that he sailed into Maine and immediately turned his ship around, citing the upper reaches of New England to be the “over-cold.” I tried to do the same thing when …
 
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