September 26, 2017
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Comments for: Military wife, not military, responsible for child’s death

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  • Anonymous

    WELL SAID!

  • Anonymous

    You are really hard hearted and very decisive about this whole tragedy. It is terrible that mothers do act in this manner, do you think this is normal behavior? You have obviously been accustomed to being alone taking care of your children while your husband is deployed for many years now. Everyone is not going to take a deployment in the same way. I’m not excusing the woman for treating her children like this, and she certainly should be punished, but the venom in your column just pours out.
    Not to worry, this woman will spend the rest of her life thinking about all the injustices she has done, either in prison or in a mental health facility.

    • County Escapee

      I’m curious about several things: Did the child lose at least 1/2 its body weight in only 2 months? 
      And what about the husband; how did he react/feel to this news when he heard about it from so far away?
      How do recently divorced/separated/never been married mothers cope with their ‘loneliness’?
      This woman is obviously a defective machine (to what degree this affected her behavior we don’t know), but it is a normal reaction to not have much sympathy for her.

      This is not directed solely to you, but rather to anyone that thinks the author spews too much vitriol.  

    • Anonymous

      And you obviously have never been in the military. The fact of the matter is that the military is being put on trial by the media in this particular case and this column is merely pointing out one person’s opinion. Sarah has every right to her opinion and as a fellow military spouse she knows a little something about going through a deployment with children.

      • katherinecollins2000

         I was a military spouse for 15 years, my husband just retired last year. I gave birth to my 3rd child while he was deployed, my husband did not meet his daughter until she was 7 months old. Instead of acting like the military is one big social safety net, in which someone (who, active duty or already overworked fellow spouses?)  is supposed to babysit adults to make sure they can handle a60 day deployment, perhaps these people should figure out if they are suited to the military life before they marry or have children.

        There are tons of support services available to spouses, especially during deployments, but the person has to make some effort themselves. Neglecting a child to the point of death is a horrible act, but the military itself or its members are not responsible, the parents are. Put the blame where it should be, on the adult who was supposed to be the caretaker and parent.

        Our country today seems to be  filled with people who refuse to take responsibility, who shift blame, who want to be taken care of like they are still children.

        • Anonymous

          I agree whole heartedly with your post.  As the spouse of a man that is retiring next month after 31 years of service and having served on active duty myself, thank you for your families service.

    • Anonymous

      Oh give me a break!  There is no “venom”, just facts.  This is not the military’s fault.  Just like it is not the fault of the Town of Fairfield that an infant was killed in their town in July.  The fact that this despicable piece of human garbage has to “Think about all the injustices she has done” means nothing.  Who is to say that she cares?  She has not demonstrated caring through her actions as a mother.  I’m sure the “I’m the victim here” card is sincere on her part.  Upon conviction, the blame should be focused squarely where it belongs, on the mother.  She deserve our scorn.

    • Anonymous

      “hard hearted . . . venom”

      Get real.

  • Anonymous

    Well well, you can leave the (I) out of writing, this is a good piece, well written and being an old aging Vietnam Vet, I totally agree with you. Whoops what did I say!

    • Anonymous

       Her column is an opinion piece. In this case, using the word I is totally acceptable.

      • Anonymous

        One would wonder why one would feel she had to put in a comment on a comment, it would seem to me, she is capable of doing so if she decided to do so, one would think. Now, I shall escort you back to the  WELL SAID!, please call ahead before entering my comment space next time, one might be busy.

        • Anonymous

           If you comment on these boards, you invite other people to share their opinions on what you’ve said. If you don’t like it, and would like people to call ahead before giving you their thoughts, don’t comment on a PUBLIC forum. Now, please have a great night.

          • Anonymous

            One might not, well one might not think one had much of a sense of humor, one thing for sure I bet, that all on here this evening are so sorry you had to leave so early, I thought I would stay just for the refreshments, nice party, well ta ta.

          • Anonymous

             Never said I was leaving, just said you should have a great evening.

          • Anonymous

            Okay, I promise, I am leaving the party now, so you can get the last word, I promise you can, if I can find my car out there, I had two drinks that enough, I hope it will start, well good night.

          • Anonymous

            Hey Tiger,

             You’re comment was bathed in ignorance.  The ignorance of the elderly so I suppose you get half of a pass.

          • Anonymous

            I am not sure who you are, or, who you think you are, and, personally I have no care whatsoever as to myself, myself, you may call me ignorant anytime, call me anything but late for supper, but I will be reminding ya, do not be calling in a blanket way, the elderly ignorant, for that in itself is not true. It certainly shows blatantly your ignorance.

          • Anonymous

            When I think of the elderly in areas such as the County. I think of stuck in the past. Unable to acknowledge some truths. As in, when your generation dies out Gay marriage will be legalized because the ignorance will be gone. Acceptance of others will be more possible. 

             Ignorance simply means LACKING IN KNOWLEDGE.  Something some can change if they chose to put in the effort. You  have the audacity to call the mentally ill names and say they are trash because you chose not to look for KNOWLEDGE and take a simple minded view of someone as BAD. By agreeing with the article these are things you have endorsed.

             Can’t help it if you chose to stay IGNORANT 

             THAT is YOUR choice.

          • Anonymous

            Ya a funny character, Greg,and ya got some good points, I don’t call the mentally ill names, never did, what the old terms were, we used to say someone was off their rocker a little, or she or he ain’t got all the buttons buttoned. But no, I do agree, some people do totally lose it for a while,or a bit, and it is a side twisting of the brain, that makes the individual act in certain way, this happens, like someone may sometimes snap. But you have good points Greg, it was probably the Civil Rights Act that Lyndon Johnson got through congress is to me the greatest step forward the US has made, the US is far from a perfect country, and, in many ways, we are becoming weak, unable to govern things in the country, that other countries have no problem with at all. So Greg you are probably right in many things you say, but when children suffer, it is difficult to overlook that.

          • Clearly you are an authority on, lacking in knowledge, Greg, as you enjoy stereotyping elders and people in The County.

          • The ignorance of your ageism is astounding. 

  • kam

    I have many friends whom are or have been military wives with children whose fathers have been deployed over and over. Although I am sure it is tough, these friends’ children are perfectly fine and healthy.This mother, and any and all other parents whom have killed their children definitely needed help and I wish they had seeked it or a friend or family member had realized what was happening and stepped in.  

  • Jen

    Military spouses have a plethora of resources available and can even call in Anonymously for assistance to several different help lines.  These resources are drilled into their heads prior to deployments, newsletters are put in their hands and posted all over the base for their knowledge.  I wholeheartedly agree with Sarah, that to many are quick to blame deployments or the military in general for taking her husband away.  My guess is that even if this husband were present, he wasn’t really “present” in seeing his wife’s mental illness or he would have gotten her help well before this tragedy.

  • Anonymous

    Couldn’t have said it better myself! What a disgusting excuse of a mother. Makes me sick to my stomach thinking of the poor children, hunry and dirty. Piece of crap.

  • Anonymous

    Having grown up a military dependent, I can vouch that the health care is outstanding.

    My dad was away a lot as a Naval Aviator, and this was a stressor on the family and on my mother. As any single parent can vouch, parenting is a HARD job, and you are on duty 24/7. Most people weather these separations, though–both the active military and his or her spouse and children.

    What happened in this case is a significant deviation from the realm and spectrum of normal coping. Think about it. This very young woman had three children by age 21. Most 21 year olds are carefree, a few are newly married and not yet a parent. To have three very young dependents by that tender age means the mother had a HUGE amount of responsibility. Without breaks, caring for three children under age three can overwhelm even a healthy mother/caregiver. 

    In this case, it is very likely that she was suffering from postpartum depression. Postpartum depression can be difficult for a health care provider to spot in a brief check-up. It is a very serious form of mental illness though. It can make a woman psychotic at its worst, and ambivalent and incapable of properly caring for her children in milder manifestations. Without extended family to help or to even know there is a problem, it’s far easier for the situation to go untreated, and for the mother to isolate herself, and to isolate the children.

    Postpartum depression is not like strep throat, or appendicitis, or any
    number of other illnesses. The person suffering from this is mentally
    ill, and not likely to even be able to understand why she is
    feeling/acting this way. It is easy to condemn this woman and blame her
    alone, as Sarah Smiley does, but keep in mind, there but for the grace
    of God go I.  

    One thing that might make a difference on military bases when one parent is deployed would be to have a cooperative network of moms and dads who can take turns checking in with each other, and possibly caring for eachother’s children for a few hours each week, while one parent gets a break.

    And whether on a military base or anywhere else, if it appears a parent is having a hard time coping and and he or she has dependent children, sometimes taking the time to make a call or referral is the only thing standing between the children’s safety, and death.
     

    • Anonymous

      She also could have asked for help, rather than EXPECT others to ‘check in on her’. Now, we don’t know if she did or not, it was not addressed in this piece, but it is an option. Instead, she’s placing the blame on other for not taking care of her by checking in on her. Yes, we should be aware of our neighbors, and check in on those who need it, but if she held it together outside the home, people may not have known she needed the help.

      • Just like alot of people are using the “I was on bath salts” excuse! As if it matters! This woman obviously has some mental issues and as you have said she may not of shown any signs of needing help. What a poor excuse! This poor man is defending his country and now has to attend a funeral for his precious 22month old. May that child RIP!

        • Anonymous

          This “poor man” Had to have known something was wrong before the deployment!  Just saying

          • Anonymous

             If he knew, what stopped HIM from asking for help for his wife?

          • Anonymous

            could be many things. she is 21, how old is he? denial, pride, ignorance? I just dont think this has all happened in the last 2 months. the person closest to her, failed her first.

          • And you may be right I do not know but I am sure he didn’t think his wife would kill their child. Just sayin! If he did he should be charged as well as her!

      • Anonymous

        people who have depression, post partum, mental illness, dont always know how to ask for help. and even when they do dont get it. and if you have an illness it is very hard to ‘fight’ to get people to help.
        these resources are not “drummed into our heads” before deployment. the only time I found out about any of it was a pre deployment wives meeting. which if the husband doesnt tell her about, a young mother of 3 may not ever find out about.

    • RedSox04evr

      “Having grown up a military dependent, I can vouch that the health care is outstanding.”

      Having spent 40 years as a military spouse, living and moving to over 8 states, living through deployments, I am wondering just which state has this outstanding healthcare you are talking about. Perhaps it has improved in the last 6 months. When I gave birth to my third son in ’84 @ oakland naval hospital, I never saw the same doctor from beginning to end. Mental health services are sorely lacking. I agree the healthcare is available, but it is FAR from “outstanding”.

      • Anonymous

        I had great care with my first pregnancy ok with my second.  I still remember my first doc and care with fond memories.  I am now a nurse, health care perception varies as does actual care.  You can’t please some people.

        I feel pitty for both the mom and kids.  I can’t judge because I don’t know ALL the facts, I don’t think anyone else should.

        • Anonymous

          being a mom of three with kids that young and no husband, away from family isn’t easy but hopefully there would be support if she asked for it. 

        • RedSox04evr

          that’s pretty ignorant – “you can’t please some people”. It’s my opinion from over 40 years experience, including currently. I think saying “outstanding” is stretching it. I know not to engage you in discussion in the future since you are so-closed minded.

        • RedSox04evr

          you said it yourself – “you don’t know ALL of the facts”. Just as you don’t know the facts of my experiences with this so-called “outstanding healthcare in the military”.

  • Anonymous

    I just read another article regarding this woman, she stated she was contimplating suicide 3 weeks earlier but a friend stopped her, if this true her friend should have offered help in caring for her 3 children….this is so sad. But definately not the militaries fault, this woman is severely mentally ill and needs inpatient mental health treatment, not jail. 

  • Anonymous

    Family Support Group, available in every branch of the Military, however the Military can not baby sit every spouse, and you can not help anyone that does not want to get help.

    • Anonymous

      Not to mention the chaplain, the base hospital for mental health services, and the family services center that every base has.   Plus there is Military One Source where a real person answers the phone 24 hours a day.

      • Anonymous

         Keep in mind, not every base has a hospital. Those who are in the Navy, and stationed in Prospect Harbor, don’t have a Naval Hospital to go to. That being said, there were resources, and she could have asked for help!

        • Anonymous

          Tricare (which she has even if she’s stationed at Prospect Harbor) serves those that are remote too.  All she has to do is call them and they would refer her to a mental health professional in her area that would take her Tricare.  I am a Navy Command Ombudsman and while I know not all services have a dedicated unit Ombudsman, we are a great source of information and referral.

          • Anonymous

             I never said that there wasn’t medical care available, I just said that not everyone has a Base Hospital. I’m well aware of how TriCare works for those who aren’t on a big base works. Since all you mentioned was a base hospital, I just reminded you that it’s not an option for everyone.

          • Anonymous

            Wasn’t insinuating that you didn’t know how Tricare works but you never know who is reading and whether they understand how it works.

  • Anonymous

    Well Sarah, ya got im wound up tonight. Good Article.

  • Why did no one notice what was happening here ???  In researching this story I came across the fact that this young mother had attempted suicide within the previous month.  In a big hurry to defend the establishment Ms. Smiley neglected to mention this very pertinent fact. I wonder what else remains to be divulged here. This poor young mother cried out for help yet received none . Of course as Ms. Smiley points out she had that 1-800 … phone number to rely on 24 hours a day.

  • Anonymous

    Post- partum depression in this mother, after having her children so close together, maybe? 
    Perhaps her OB/GYN should have recognized it.

  • Anonymous

    Yes Sarah, You told it like it is. Someone should seek help when they know deep down inside they should and keep fighing it until it gets as bad as this did and then there is no turning back

    • Anonymous

      I can only hope you’re being sarcastic.

       People suffering from depression don’t necessarily realize they are depressed. Some suffering from depression have a hard time getting out of bed let alone running out and asking fore help

       I can tell I’m back in the sticks.

  • County Escapee

    And here’s a story from a guy from the ‘sticks’:
    From my paternal Grandma , to all her 7 kids, to several descendants including cousins that have died with ‘dementia’, to a great uncle that married his first cousin and their 2 resulting offspring, to an off the wall sister, then dealing with most of their degradation to death, I am somewhat qualified to speak of it. I fully expect dementia myself (maybe the onset now?).
    She is a qualified whacko that at least knew what she did and all available resources available to her (a call to Mamma or a sister at least perhaps?) and that qualifies her as a defective machine. Wait a few years and gain some experience in life. Don’t get cynical, just a realist.

  • Anonymous

    Ya gonna look to the Portland Press Herald for your news, well there, just goes to show, there is a God.

  • Anonymous

    While I completely agree that it is the Mother that shoulld be blamed and not the Military, and that there is only so much that can/should be done by people outside the home, I have to wonder, though, if these kids ever went to a Doctor for well-child check ups? This kind of neglect doesn’t happen over night, then again, perhaps the Father filled the gap before he was deployed – too many unknowns, but ultimately this was her responsibility. We don’t need more regulation because of it. We have lost enough control and responsibility for ourselves and our actions already.

  • County Escapee

    You are amusingly idealistic (and severely condescending) in your response. I ,too, grew up in the County and actually and voted for McGovern! Then I moved to the Boston, married an OR nurse 30 odd years ago and grew up to the realities of the world. How many hours have you volunteered in a hospice with patients of every illness and age? NO redneck here!
    Most of what you preach is painfully obvious to a well educated seasoned survivor of life in an area with more people than the whole County who’s remarkably open minded, even for a Bostonian! Now, since you’ve been speaking assumptions about me, to me, thru your anal aperture I’d like to respectfully ask you to forcibly expel the rest of your naivety the same way but in the opposite direction…

  • Anonymous

    You gotta be kiddin, right?

  • Anonymous

    Simmer down, lose the hysterical schoolmaster’s severity, and stop using CAPS.

  • Anonymous

    I have a great deal of sympathy for those that battle mental illness.  My mother-in-law has battled it for many years.  If she indeed had issues with mental illness, why didn’t her husband go to his command?  Or if he wanted it kept under wraps, why didn’t he go to the chaplain or the family services center?  I have a hard time believing that she didn’t show any signs of a problem until 2 months after he deployed.  

    • Anonymous

      You sound as though people in distress wear a sign on their head saying, “I need help” If it were that simple then EVERYONE would receive help. We wouldn’t have any Aurora’s We Wouldn’t have any Gabby Giffords. Just because someone shows symptoms doesn’t mean the average laymen will identify it as something severe enough to seek out help for that person.

      • Anonymous

        And you sound like maybe you’re a little bit unstable with your rabid attacks on anyone that disagrees with you.  Just saying!

  • Anonymous

    My spouse was in the Air Force in the 60’s-70’s. I’m here to tell you that, the bases do not really reach out to families. You are dumped in a place you have never been before, you have no one to talk to, no one to help you if something does go wrong. Your spouse may or may not be there because of TDY’s or extended hours on duty. Usually you are in off base housing and do not even know your neighbors. It can be quite a terrifing experience. I survived but, some don’t. I can empathize with the mom. That being said, I do not excuse her. No matter how bad conditions were for her, she shouldn’t have neglected the children. RIP little one. Speedy recovery to the other two.

    • Anonymous

      Frosty, times has changed since the 70’s, heck times have changed since the 2000’s.  Support for the member and the dependents have never been higher.  There are suppport groups, there are 800 numbers, heck even the base commander is open for dependents now (Of course he/she will defer it to someone else, but there will be action).

      This is a tragedy beyond words.  And it is especially poignant when it happens to a military family b/c there are so many avenues to turn to.  It is now embedded that the military should take care of it’s own.  I don’t think there should be any blame to anyone as this is a 1 in a million chance type incident. 

      However, I hope this gets out to all military branches that they need to be more vigilant and watch for the subtle and not so subtle warning signs.  All units have ombudsman(s) (the spouse(s) of a member of a unit).  They are the front line to help prevent these tragedies.  They are specially trained to look for issues and problems like this while the unit/husband (for single deployments) is away.

      • Anonymous

        Those things are available if you know about them. for many years as a young navy wife I did not know because my husband did not want me involved with them. and to ask for help if you are depresses is not easy, then  when you do you hit a brick wall, and you just dont have the will to fight for your self. I have been screaming for help for years. they are doing the best they can, but I have to fight for everything and since I am still not good, it gets very hard to keep fighting.
        Ombudsman only know about you when you contact them. they do not contact you, and some arent fit for the job. we once had one that only cared about herself.

        • Anonymous

          Then it’s up to the other spouses et. al. to have voted her off if she was not serving you properly. All Ombudsman have the database of spouses given by the command.
          It’s voluntary, it’s hard work, but they signed up for it willingly. yes they even have their own problems as well, but times are changing and so has the support for the spouse by the organization. Probably more supportive than for the military member themselves.

          • Anonymous

            Actually, the Commanding Officer should be notified since Navy Ombudsman serve at the pleasure of the CO.  He can remove an Ombudsman for cause.

          • Anonymous

            I hope you are right.  we were transferred shortly after, but I know the co-ombudsman seemed very up set with her responce.
            hopefully asking for help in the military is getting better. I feel it still has far to go.
            yes it is voluntary which is why I wondered why she was so terrible at it. all you ever got was her vm.
            and getting help in the mental health issues is getting better too. if you have insurance. I however do not and am at the mercy of the state, which still leaves a lot to be desired. I asked and asked for help. finally got meds, but the care is not there. they dont have the resources. and with depression, sometimes just getting out of bed is a fight, then 3 little kids, I just dont think she had it in her. my opinion of course.
            I dont think the military is to blame either. not what I am saying. Just that Someone should have Seen something. her husband #1. I know some of them (from experience) work very long hours and may be very tired and stressed. My husband luckily saw when I needed a break and would come home early and give me the keys and tell me to get out. go do what ever I wanted. however, that was after years. When I was very young and at home alone all the time (he worked 2 jobs so I could stay home with the baby, so we hardly ever saw each other. I know how easy it is go icolate your self, then with out regular contact with people you seem to fall through the holes.

        • Anonymous

          This has changed dramatically.  As a current Command Ombudsman and Command Spouse, I can tell you that your spouse is required to sign off saying they know about the program and they either check the “contact me” box or the “don’t contact me” box during the check into the Command.  When official information on Command activities and or pre-deployment events are being passed the Command Ombudsman now has the access and ability to contact the spouse without the military member’s consent to pass the word.  I’m sorry you’ve had problems with your Ombudsman, please contact your Commanding Officer (she works for him), Executive Officer and/or Command Master Chief and file a formal complaint!  

          • Anonymous

            my husband did know. he thought the wives clubs were nothing more than gossip groups and did not want me to go. of course this was early on, before I learned what I could do on my own, but I suspect that is where this woman was.
            I always had a problem with check ins and check outs that they always talked to the member and not the spouse. the member always says all is fine, dont rock the boat. I once had such a problem with it that my husband during his check out told the command master chief how I felt. though it was too late for anything (we were leaving that day) He Did call me. that made me feel like finally someone was listening.
            I like that  you now have the ability to contact the spouse w/o permission, but do most? you are a command ombudsman, you have much more experience than most. when it is a small boat, it is usually a cheifs wife. they are most likely 1st timers,, and I can assure you, they are not in contact with all wives during a depolyment.
            this was years ago. and we left shortly after, (cole bombing), but I hope someone did something!
            and I did my share of complaints before we left. even before the incedent all we ever got was vm.
            Thank you for your service, you are one of the most important people in the command. that is why when it goes bad it goes very bad fast. I hope ombudsman training has also improved, for the sake of all these young (not knowing) stressed out wives.

          • Anonymous

            I think I’m pretty lucky when it comes to my training.  I spent 5 years on active duty before becoming a military spouse.  I personally think that there are really good Ombudsman and then there are really bad ones.  I’ve been through some really good Ombudsman Trainings and then I’ve been through some very bad ones.  (I’ve complained about the really bad ones :) ). 

            In recent years the Family Readiness Teams have added personnel that actually contact the spouse monthly during deployments, in addition to the Ombudsman.  I know that our program includes monthly contact with all spouses/family of our deployed members either via phone or email.  We hold Family Days at the Command even if we aren’t in deployment status or close to a deployment to help get the families familiar with who the Ombudsman are and what we can do to help them.  Our reserve families get 3 calls a month because the NOSC (Navy Operational Support Centers) also calls to check on them.

            I have to give my Command Family Readiness Team a lot of kudos!  I have easy access to the CO, XO & Command Master Chief.  The Chaplain is always ready to help out and my senior enlisted and officer community is incredibly supportive!   

      • Anonymous

        That’s nice to know. A bit late for the Viet Nam era families and The Gulf war families, but late is better than nothing.

  • Anonymous

    I have to say Greg, you are more closed-minded and ignorant than you are accusing everyone who’s opinion differs from yours.  You have repeatedly called those of us who choose to live in Maine unenlightened, ignorant, uneducated.  If you moved from here to Boston (whoop dee do – I am from and lived in the Boston area for 30 + years – nothing to brag about there) and you obviously hold such contempt for the people and the Bangor Daily – why would you bother to read it?   Just makes you sound like a pompous azz looking for a reason for scorn.

    I have experience with both sides of your argument, I worked in a mental health center for years and was the dependent of a career soldier who was deployed numerous times – my younger sister was born while he was on his second tour in Vietnam.  

    Do I think the Army was responsible for this tragedy?  No, but I do question where the other military wives were.  We always experienced a support system of other military families especially when living in base housing.   I am not blaming anyone, I just wonder why she was not “in the loop”  with the other wives because if she were, someone would have noticed what was happening in her home.  

    The long and short of it is, she did not intentionally kill her child.   This woman might have been depressed, but to lash out at the normal behavior of a 22 month old baby in the extreme way that she did does not indicate that she has a mental illness or psychotic break.  To make a  statistical correlation – parents who abuse are multi-generational and self-perpetrating.  So I don’t believe she was psychotic, I believe she is guilty of parenting ignorance and frustration and should be punished for her actions.  

    • Anonymous

      Sooo, the fact that this young lady had made a suicide attempt just weeks prior doesn’t indicate to you that she was in need of help.??

       Glad ya traveled a whole 5 hours from home to live in BOSTON. To paraphrase, WHOOP-DI-DO. 

       The IGNORANT (lacking in knowledge) comments posted here show a lack of understanding and compassion for anyone who doesn’t show PHYSICAL signs of an illness.

       I worked in PSYCH/Sub. Abuse for many years as well. You maintain you did and yet something as simple as a cry for help (suicide attempt)  doesn’t set off any alarms?

      • Anonymous

        Nope – traveled a whole 7 hours so I DIDN’T have to live in Boston.  

        I’ll tell you what – why don’t we wait for the courts to decide whether she was psychotic or not because I haven’t seen or heard of any evidence of a suicide attempt other than her own words, which let’s be real, would certainly make things go a lot easier on her in court, with her family, and with her husband if she was deemed psychotic at the time of the events, wouldn’t it?  Want to lay odds on the verdict?   It makes no sense that a friend stopped her from committing suicide, but didn’t report it, find her help, or offer to take the kids for a time so this mother could get away for a bit.  Usually when it doesn’t make sense it isn’t true.Not once did she voice any remorse for that baby she killed – only pity for herself that she is misunderstood and stuck in jail – when she says she lost her two children.  She has written off the baby who died already!  

  • Anonymous

    If this woman neglected her children to the extent described in this article, I’m thinking that other people – besides military personnel – probably knew, or at least suspected, that something very wrong was going on in that house.

  • Sadly, when a person is in the throes of psychosis (this case screams post partum psychosis) they are, as a general rule, unable to ask for help. During their more lucid moments they may realize that “something” is wrong but are not likely to reach out because they believe they will suffer through and be OK, or they are too embarrassed to say anything because they don’t want people to see them as defective or a bad mother. That’s the hook. Even when seemingly lucid the disease has not gone away. It still affects every moment of one’s life. 

    I know, to us who have never suffered such, it seems unthinkable that a woman could realize she is thinking of, or actually harming her child and do nothing to alleviate the situation. That is the way of madness. That is why courts have established that no matter how heinous the crime if you are insane you were not responsible for your actions. Well, that is so in other countries. In this country the measure of legal insanity is whether you knew right from wrong, not whether you were able/unable to act upon your knowledge; which a person who is insane, even knowing the difference, cannot do.

    As for the premise of this article; no, the military could not really have done anything different. Society could have. It is not just military spouses who find themselves isolated, it is an epidemic in our country across all strata of society. We do not pay attention to our neighbors or sometimes even our friends. We assume that whatever is going on in their lives is really none of our business and we choose to ignore those things we see or hear that disturb us. The truth is that we are “our brother’s keeper”. It only takes a minute to call someone, or go knock on their door. You don’t even have to ask them if everything is OK. You can make the call about something innocuous, just do it.

    If this young mother had even one friend who had taken the time to go to her house to check on her, one person, her child might still be alive. Just one person.

  • Anonymous

    Nothing here says she is evil or should suffer.  What this opinion peice says is the military did not cause it and could not have stopped it.  Other mothers have killed their children using more succinct methods and also had their mental stability questioned (Yates and Smith for example); however, their husband’s employers were not considered the causitive factor. 
    That is the cliff notes version for your over educated completely closed mind.  They claim it is hard to be a close minded liberal but you prove otherwise — maybe you are just an outlier.

  • Anonymous

    YAY!  Good riddance!

  • Anonymous

    Sounds like this young woman was still in her teens when she started her family. Was she a military wife all that time, away from family? She may not have had the mental resources to be on her own.

  • Look up the word projection, Greg.

  • Anonymous

    Yay censorship!!!!

     Show you have an independent thought beyond  saying, “oh what a terrible person they are” and the BDN  shuts you down. what a joke YOU ARE. impressive how much legwork you imbeciles do. You let an ignorant woman make an ignorant statement without divulging all of the facts and half of these people cheer .

     I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised.

    • Anonymous

       Crap, you’re back. I thought you left. At least, that what your last post that was removed said. Apparently telling the truth is not something you do.

  • Anonymous

    this article is a symptom of the disease of denial that military communities are riddled with.  It cannot be the military’s fault because then so many others would be accountable for consenting to such a system of oppression and abuse.

  • Anonymous

    this article is a symptom of the disease of denial that military communities are riddled with.  It cannot be the military’s fault because then so many others would also be accountable for consenting to such a system of oppression and abuse.

  • Neighbors don’t want to bother with neighbors anymore.  There wasn’t a person that moved near our farm in the 1940’s that my mother didn’t visit and find out if they needed any help.  No one does that anymore.  This young girls was overwhelmed with children and obviously no one came to help and with her depression she wasn’t able to ask for help.  Sad.  Sympathy goes to the family.

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