September 23, 2017
Lewiston-Auburn Latest News | Poll Questions | Hurricane Maria | Orion Krause | Obamacare

Comments for: 40 percent of Maine births are to single mothers: Experts look at what it means

Guidelines for posting on bangordailynews.com

The Bangor Daily News and the Bangor Publishing Co. encourage comments about stories, but you must follow our terms of service.

  1. Keep it civil and stay on topic
  2. No vulgarity, racial slurs, name-calling or personal attacks.
  3. People who harass others or joke about tragedies will be blocked.
The primary rule here is pretty simple: Treat others with the same respect you'd want for yourself. Here are some guidelines (see more):

  • Anonymous

    Raise your daughters to seek out those few young men in this world that will be upwardly mobile, caring and responsible.

    • Anonymous

      NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

      raise your daughters to be self reliant, ambitious, personally responsible and independent.

      Teach her sports!  

      • Anonymous

        Good points, and I agree with you on them.  But northernmaine is right, too.  If you want a relationship, look for someone who has the qualities he lists.

        • Anonymous

          yes. absolutely.  please know i grew up in the County.  Women being economically dependent on men shapes EVERYTHING about (some) women up there.  not too many logging and farming jobs for gals, ya know.

          • Anonymous

            I worked with a “gal” from the county….she worked in the logging industry for many years….not only supporting herself but her husband and his children as well.

          • Anonymous

            :)  good for her! 

          • Anonymous

             What are you talking about?  Many, many women worked (and still do) in the farming and logging industries.  What part of the county did you grew up in that you could have missed that fact of county life?

          • Anonymous

            they are not the majority, by far.  i was raised on dairy farm, don’t test my credentials.

          • Anonymous

            My experience has been that the majority of laborers in potato houses and on potato harvesters are women.  Women also run a number of the truck gardens in Aroostook.  If you look into certain logging operations you will find a number of women operating heavy equipment.  I am not testing your “credentials” but I do think your perspective is a bit skewed.  You are painting county people with a very broad brush.  I think if you look deeper into the economies of the county you will find that few women in the work force are economically dependent on men.

          • Anonymous

            “that few women in the work force are economically dependent on men. ”

            ***
            thank you for making my point for me, clara.  

      • Anonymous

        not in maine

      • Anonymous

        Sports? Seriously? Sports is the one thing that will teach self-reliance, ambition, responsibility, and independence? What if the daughter does not have athletic talent? What if she is more interested in learning art, music, or theatre? Maybe she likes to go camping or hiking and is not into organized sports.

        Sports are not the be-all end-all. It’s a great activity for those with that kind of talent, but as a kid who totally lacked all natural athletic talent, I would have been miserable if my parents had forced me to play organized sports.

        Oh wait, when I was a kid, only the kids who were good enough got to participate in sports. The rest of us found activities that were more in line with our interests and abilities. And we turned out okay. Imagine that.

        • Anonymous

          no one is forcing anyone to play sports against their will.  i think you are over thinking this one for the sake of argument. 

    • Guest

      ===

      • Anonymous

        exactly!  thinking a relationship is what provides happiness and stability is garbage.

        It can of course, but only when both people are mature and self sufficient.

        • Guest

          —-

          • Anonymous

            She made the wrong decision by not using birth control.  Single people shouldn’t have sexual intercourse unless they’re using birth control.

          • Anonymous

            reminder:  if the man took responsibility for his actions, the way the women in this story do, there would be no welfare state.

            the welfare state is not a result of loose women.  It is a result of irresponsible men.

            Of course its more complex than that, but I’m feeling like I should dumb it down on your behalf.

          • Anonymous

            That’s just hogwash.

            True, “loose women” is no more the issue than “loose men”.

            However BOTH need to be engaged in the prevention of any “unwanted” pregnancy.

            BOTH need to be responsible for the care of any children born outside a stable relationship.

            Father’s who choose to abandon their offspring MUST pay to support them until Majority!

            However, “I don’t need a man in my life to raise my children” is popycock supported by all you man-haters out there.

            It’s the Democrat’s who’ve funded the single-parent bonanza, perhaps even unintentionally, but this 40% birth rate is not healthy and not sustainable as a nation.

            This is the “unintended consequence” of the fantastical notion of “I can have anything I want”, and “I can do anything I want”.

          • Anonymous

            not a man hater, just not going to sit here and let the ‘fiscal conservatives’ kick single moms around when dead beat dad is not part of the conversation. 

          • Guest

            The father is EXACTLY 1/2 of the conversation, deadbeat or not!  They’re both guilty for their predicament.

          • Guest

            ===

          • Anonymous

            but unfortunately more have not been so successfull on their own w/o tax dollars

          • Anonymous

            When a man and woman are in a long term relationship and or living together and together they discuss and agree with the woman taking on birthcontrol responsibility…then when arguements and rifts start to occur in the relationship all of a sudden a child is conceived.  I’m not dismissing that the man needs to be responsible — but, in all actuality all power is held by the woman.  The woman can decide whether she wants to have the child or not (with no regard to the man’s wishes) whatever her decision is effects the man for the rest of his life…If the woman wants an abortion — the man can’t say “No” I will raise the child and you can pay me child support and I’ll decide what I spend it on for the next 18 years. I’m not saying I don’t think a man should be responsible — Just saying that sometimes a man can be taken advantage of and when that happens has no say in the outcome at all.  Also, I’m not talking about one night stands — I’m talking about long term relationships that go bad.

          • Anonymous

            the man can not be taken advantage of he wears a condom each time he has sex outside of marriage.

          • Anonymous

            Many men and women live together prior to marriage and agree on the birth control being used. Perhaps if men had input to the decisions from conception on more would be involved. Women make all decisions then expect the men to follow along without question..changes need to be made to give fathers rights from the day the child is conceived if they are going to be responsible for a child.

          • Anonymous

            “Perhaps if men had input to the decisions from conception on more would be involved.”
            ***

            ?? that’s garbage.  The ‘input’ a man needs is to wear a condom unless he is planning to father a child.

          • Anonymous

            And the Woman is JUST AS responsible to make sure he is using contraception…If he’s not, force him to go to the pharmacy or abstain.

          • Anonymous

            ” force him to go to the pharmacy or abstain”**************

            I love how, in this conversation, woman have all the control and men are just forced, manipulated, and tricked in to having sex.

            What is with you Matt?  Sure the girl is just as responsible.  So, why does she have to ‘force’ you to go the pharmacy? 

          • Guest

            In your world a woman is not capable of saying: ” No condom, no sex”?

          • Anonymous

            right back at you.  in your world, can the man say ‘no condom, no sex.”?

            if not, why not?

          • Anonymous

            Two way street. He should put one on, and she should say no if he doesn’t. 

          • Guest

          • Anonymous

            a gentleman and a scholar!  

            yes, thank you!

          • Anonymous

            “I love how, in this conversation, woman have all the control and men are just forced, manipulated, and tricked in to having sex.” I’m just saying if he doesn’t want to go to the pharmacy….Make him. Women have the power of the V.

          • Anonymous

            why do women have the power?

            do you think men are incompetent?  stupid? incapable?  have no self control at all?

            I don’t think that poorly of men. why do you?

          • Anonymous

            I hear what he’s saying….you gotta admit-we hold a lot of power with this V thing. :)

          • Anonymous

            Like i told my daughter:  breasts either makes us extremely intelligent, or them really stupid.

          • dadoje

            Men should be just as responsible as the women.  Birth control pills are not 100%. My neice got pregnant while on them She was taking an antibiotic that made the pills ineffective. So if not married the man should not have sex without one that way the women can’t say oops guess what your going to be a daddy. The fault is 50/50 .

          • Anonymous

            What did I say originally? Men and Women have equal the responsibility when it comes to using birth control when having sex.

          • Anonymous

            Lol

          • Anonymous

            how many couples involved in a long term relationship Opt for condoms as birth control? not too many, most of the time she goes on the pill, so in that case I agree the man can be duped into having a child he had no realization he was conceiving, like I said in a different post, she is thinking she can hold on the the man or at least get some welfare, in those cases it’s on the woman who chose to rinse her pills down the sink so he’d think she took them,

          • Anonymous

            i’m sure that happens allllll the time.  

          • Anonymous

            do you support forced DNA testing of men named in paternity suits?  if you don’t, you don’t believe what you are saying.

          • Anonymous

            “reminder:  if the man took responsibility for his actions, the way the women in this story do, there would be no welfare state.”Like your name, you also seem to have a single track mind. Maybe if the women were more responsible there would be no welfare state. For the past decade or more there has been no reason for any women to get pregnant that didn’t want to. Of course there would be the occasional accidental pregnancy but the majority were preventable. I would attempt to take the time to explain it in greater deal but since you claim to be smarter than everyone else I’m sure you’ll figure it out on your own.

          • Anonymous

            you have made a great case for your support of Planned Parenthood.  Please contact your legislator and tell him/her to support funding for this vital program.

          • Anonymous

            You are so patronizing that readers are going to think you’re one of those women who hate men.  You can make your points without being snide and patronizing.  Try it.

            I’ll amend my comment by striking “She” in the first sentence and substituting therefor “She and her sex partner”.  Do you agree with that?

            You’re wrong to place all the blame on men and none on women.  It’s a shared responsibility.  Each partner is responsible.  The women in this story who decided to have intercourse without birth control were no more responsible, as you claim (i.e., the way the women in this story do . . .”), than their sex partners. 

            In fact, an argument can be made that the woman who has unprotected sex with an irresponsible man is even more irresponsible than the man, given the fact that if she becomes pregnant as a result, it is she who will have to bear and raise the child with little or nor help from the deadbeat father.  The real -life bad consequences for the woman are greater than for the man.  But I’m not going to make that argument.  I’ll stick with shared responsiblity.

          • Anonymous

            I’m only patronizing if you think personal responsibility is gender selective.

          • Anonymous

            I was referring to the clear and unqualified insult in the last sentence of your comment, “. . . I’m feeling like I should dumb it down on your behalf”.

            Anyway, I asked you a question.  Do you agree with my comment as amended?

          • Anonymous

            Yeah, i re-read that, you didn’t deserve that.  Sorry for the rapid response.  

            I’m not blaming men and not blaming women.  It takes two, so yes, shared responsibility all the way.  Please read my comments as they were intended:  as replies to comments unilaterally blaming women for babies being born.  as if.

            Read Bob’s comments.  He won’t even take responsibility for wearing a condom.  Says the women trick men.  That’s the attitude that I am responding to, that men are innocent victims of trickster women.  

          • Anonymous

            ehhh.  i re-read your first comment.  

            my “dumbing down” retort was in response to your over simplification of layers of gender inequality so ingrained in our society that men (on this very comment section) are saying they don’t bear responsibility for pregnancy and women are agreeing with them.

            Did you notice recently Congress held a panel on Women’s health issues and there were NO women on the panel??? how is that possible?

            Have you noticed that there are no male medical issues that necessitate Supreme Court decisions?  Why is that??  because for some reason, society feels like it has purview over a woman’s body. Why?

            Because of some twisted Victorian notions of sexuality combined with centuries of a male dominated church with a Jezebel complex?

            No thanks.  

          • Anonymous

            You really astound me! 

            First you insult me,  and when I call your attention to it, you apologize.  But then you have second thoughts and come back and mischaracterize my original statement.   

            So let’s set the record straight on this once and for all.  I did not say or suggest, and I do not say or suggest, directly or indirectly, “through over simplification of gender equality . . .” or through any other means, that men do not bear responsibility for pregnancy.

          • Anonymous

            “Not just too trusting, but too stupid.  I could use a crude expression that we’ve all heard, but lets just say that desire gets in the way. ” 

            ************

            This is the excuse you allow Bob, in a conversation a few strings below, as he sobs about being manipulated by a woman in to not wearing a condom.

            Stop being coy by talking about dual responsibility with me, and that wink-wink ‘desire is in they way’ with Bob, Mr. Don’tBlameMeMenAreStupid.

          • Anonymous

            You’re not only acting like an old scold, but now you’re stalking me by going through everything I’ve said in this 200 plus comment thread in your dogged effort to find something to mischaracterize, and if that’s the best you can do, you’ve labored mightily but produced a mouse.

          • Anonymous

            you mean, I read the paper this morning, including the comment section in which I am participating, and am taking your comments in context, rather than at face value?

            exactly.

          • Anonymous

            You’re doing great, don’t listen to any of your critics.  You’ve trounced them all in the good argument department.

          • Guest

            And what do you say to the women who tell the man:  “Go ahead, I can’t get pregnant.”  When in fact they are not using birth control and well know that they are taking a risk?

          • Guest

            —-

          • Anonymous

            I agree with that, except, in the case where they are in a long term, even living together, relationship and they have decided as a couple that she will take the pill, there are times, it really does happen, that the female will stop taking the pill intentionally. But, any man having sex with a woman he isn’t really involved with needs to wear a condom, and hit the door if she doesn’t want them too, in this day and age having a baby is the best case scenario. 

          • Anonymous

            I’d say ‘Dude, that’s stupid.  If you don’t know the girl that well, or are not committed to her, wear a condom or you don’t know where your little soldiers will end up”.

          • Anonymous

            Not wholly the result of irresponsible men.  Men don’t allow themselves to become pregnant in hopes of a woman sticking around.  It *is* more complex, and any man who makes a baby should be required to help provide for it.

          • Guest

            Why should women get a free pass for ALLOWING Any man to EVER have unprotected sex with them?

          • Anonymous

            Why should a man even try to have unprotected sex??

          • Anonymous

            the welfare state is the result of Immature girls thinking having a baby is so much fun! and (insert boy’s name here) will never leave me, and they will give me TANF and food stamps and medical and I can just hang out with my friends all the time….. don’t hang it all on the men, these girls know they are not using birth control and they don’t make the guys wear a condom so no, it isn’t all about the men. 

          • Anonymous

            of course its not all about men.

            If you read my comments, they are in reply to someone saying ‘it IS all about the women”

            So many people are so outraged that I would suggest that a man’s sperms is a man’s responsibility.   I have two children, you don’t have to remind me about what it means to a woman to conceive a child.

            I am absolutely disgusted that you blame TANF on a single mom, when IF THE FATHER PAID SUPPORT she wouldn’t need the TANF.

          • Anonymous

            Or made the wrong decision planning a pregnancy before marriage.  OR simply not knowing if she had the right man before getting pregnant.  What man who wants to marry his girlfriend beats feet when she becomes pregnant?  He was Mr. Wrong from the get go.

          • Anonymous

            Right on all counts.  If you’re not married, use birth control. 

          • Anonymous

            not in maine got to make a living some how

          • Guest

            ====

          • Anonymous

            Never said it was, but I suspect that the reason the women in this story got pregnant wasn’t failed birth control.

          • Guest

            ====

          • Anonymous

            it is a starting point

          • Anonymous

            Typical use failures and correct use failures are different.  People need to learn to use birth control correctly.  The odds of failure are small, though, when used right.

          • pbmann

            Birth control is not 100% effective, accidents happen.

          • Anonymous

            again and again and again

          • Anonymous

            not in maine got to live soms how

          • Anonymous

            FYI.  my daughter was born when I was on the pill.  I had a miscarriage when I used the IUD and my son was born with the diaphram.

            such is reality. 

          • Anonymous

            FYI in this case is TMI.  You’re telling me more about yourself than I want to know.

            I understand that birth control doesn’t always work.

          • Anonymous

            btw idk 

          • Anonymous

            Wow, I’m not even game to drive by your house.

          • Anonymous

            Single people shouldn’t be having sex, period.  Sex is for a married husband and wife.

          • Anonymous

            Well, I wouldn’t go as far as that.

          • Anonymous

            That’s cute.

          • Anonymous

            Birth control sometimes fails, it is not 100% effective. The only thing that is, is abstinance. In this age, women (and men) are lookng for the sexual chemistry with a person along with compatibility. Your best friend may be the best man/girl in your life, but if the sexual chemistry isn’t there, the relationship most often does not work. I am a single mother of two (technically three). I chose to leave the father of my first child because we were just out of high school,  he chose partying over being a father. I chose to be a parent. It does not make me a bad mother for choosing to be a single parent. Yes, I needed assistance as far as healthcare, but I worked two jobs most of the time, went to college full time, earned an associates, working on my bachelors still, and I lived on my own with my son, and refused to use welfare.  When I got pregnant a second time, I chose abortion after Plan B did not work. Condom broke, and I was in between birth controls at the time. Accidents happen.  It was the most life altering, hardest decision of my life. I did something I did not completely believe in, and will NEVER in my life forgive myself for, and am STILL ashamed to even admit that I had done so. So, at 28 years old when my best friend  (and who I thought would be my life long partner – marriage or not) and I got pregnant after a 4 year relationship, he chose to walk out, and I chose to keep my son, and then I chose to have the permanent fix while having a C-Section. I would never again be in the position I was in twice before. I take HALF the blame for my children arriving in this world. I wouldn’t give them back for the world.  Sure, I don’t make a lot of money, and one of the two fathers pays their half, and we have a great relationship, but when it comes to marriage, divorce is too expensive, no one can predict the future. I certaintly never thought or planned to be a single parent when I had another child. In this age, it is harder for single moms to find a man worth letting in your children’s life, and your own. I would rather not expose them to the messy breakup’s and confusion, so I choose to be still single. Getting burned twice is enough for me.

             I am not on welfare, I still work a job barely making 26k/yr, sure times are tough financially sometimes, it is EVERYWHERE and for almost EVERYONE but I do it, on my own, and single mothers such as myself should NOT be judged and classified into the same category as women who spit out kids just for the check. My children are well taken care of, and know the importance of necessity over wants, and I hope that shapes them to be responsible when they are teenagers and adults. They are both active, and creative. They love arts, they love music, and they love sports, and just because they don’t always get what they want, they are spoiled with love.  A lot of kids these days are handed whatever they want to get out of their parents hair and do not appreciate what they have. Choosing to stay in an unhealthy, unhappy marriage affects children, and I will never put them in that situation either.  It’s more hurtful to stay together in fight all the time than it is to be seperate and happy.

            I’m proud to say my children have respect, manners, and appreciate everything they have.  Single mothers most often have to take on the responsibility of mom and dad, they have to be the good guy, and the bad guy, they have to a parent, and they have to be a friend. My children may not ever know what it’s like to live in a two parent home, but they know they have a family and friends that love them more than anything in this world, and that they always have SOMEONE they can turn to. A two parent home does not decide what your child will be in the future such as drug addict, violent and etc. . It’s how you raise them, and a good single parent can and will do everything they can to raise them to be better than that.

          • Anonymous

            It sounds like you’ve made the best of some tough situations, and you seem to have done so without complaint and resentment.  I think you have a good attitude and a good heart,  and I think you’ll do well.

          • Anonymous

            Thank you bandbox. It can be the same for single dad’s. Not all men are useless, and ignorant to the fact that they have a part in making a child. There are some great single dad’s out there, and they deserve the praise to. They may have not have even wanted to be a father, but there are more men out there that don’t receive enough credit for stepping up and being a single dad when the mothers were nothing but an incubator.   Mistakes happen, carelessness happens in the heat of the moment with someone you deeply care for, and sometimes there are just careless people who don’t care what happens without taking precautions. I just personally don’t like to be put into that category with them. You can think you really know a person after years of friendship/courtship, but you never really do until times get tough. It’s sad that is what it takes sometimes to find out  how much of a coward a person really is that you use to have so much heart for.

          • Guest

            Yes, she did make the right decision on that front, but getting preggers before really knowing what he was like was just plain dumb.

          • Anonymous

            If they had gotten married first, what would have stopped him from doing the same thing? Just because two people get married, does not mean that the same stuff wouldn’t happen. Marriage has to be worked on all the time. Children do deserve 2 loving parents but, STUFF HAPPENS!
            Pregnancy or lack there of takes two responsible people doing whatever is necessary to ensure a happy outcome either way.

        • Anonymous

          “only when both people are mature and self sufficient”

           You’re starting to get it.

           By taking on the responsibility of supporting the behavior that produced these children, government is rewarding that very behaviour.

           Again and again, over and over, the laws of unintended consequences.

          • Anonymous

            The government is not rewarding women for having babies out of wedlock. The government is absolving the men of their responsibility.

            big difference.

          • Anonymous

            Which is worse? Rewarding a woman for popping out welfare kids or not holding men responsible for aiding the woman in popping out those kids?

          • Anonymous

            false choice

        • Anonymous

          “It can of course, but only when both people are mature and self sufficient.”

           When that is accomplished, it’s time to go on to other facets of family life such as having children.

      • Anonymous

        being independent and confident is the start, then she won’t want to get pregnant to try to hold onto a “man” in the first place, or to get the welfare check

    • Anonymous

      And raise your sons to beloving, responsible, and active fathers if they plan, or accidently, find themselves a dad.

    • Bob

      Upward mobility is more of a myth than the norm in this country. How about settle for ones that work hard and at least try.

    • Anonymous

      And while you’re at it, teach your sons to use contraception. Always.

    • Anonymous

      Raise your sons to be those all too few men that have all of those attirbutes and not be pathologically possessive.

    • Guest

      then that daughter runs off with the next guy if it appears he has more money…………..sounds like a stable life for a child?????????

  • Anonymous

    ” Sex is still going on but people are worried about the economy………..” Colgan said.  An awfully dumb statement from a college professor unless he meant they were different people that were having sex and worrying.  Years ago when I was seeking  ” back seat ” relationships I never gave much of a thought to the economy and I doubt many of the players out there today do either !

    • pbmann

      If you continued to read the professor stated that the economy was why people were not getting married at the same rate as in the past, not that people were having less sex because of the economy.

  • Anonymous

    Of the two theories suggested by Brian Duff,  we have already tried the “either” maybe it is time to try the “or”.

    • Bob

      Sometimes things are made to easy for people to live off the system. When you can make more not working than working why would most people even try? The real issue with education is poverty. We need to make people who collect a check work. I am not saying kick them of any help but make them work while collecting or no help.

      • Anonymous

        you are right, we do make it too easy. 

        all men who do not pay child support to out of wedlock babies they fathered should go to forced labor camps.

        of course, it’s so much easier to blame it on the ladies who ‘are collecting’

        ergo the word ‘misogynist’ 

        • Bob

          It works both ways. Was a time when we would put people in jail for non support. Now we give them an SSI check with $25k back pay because they were nothing but a bum . The job market is not easy . That being said make these people pick up trash , work on a farm, rake blueberries etc.  Work bus leaving at 6am people if you do not get on it no check. 

          • Anonymous

            Welfare and all that only becomes necessary when the Man fails to do his part and support his own child.

            The rest of it is just moral bias against single women.

          • Bob

            In some cases I would agree . Not in all cases .

          • Anonymous

            absolutely.  i agree with you.  thank you.

          • Guest

            —-

    • Anonymous

      Wow, what a wild thought – like bad decisions have bad consequences.  But can our postmodern society handle it?

    • pbmann

      We’ve already tried the ‘or’ as well.  Most of history is the ‘or’ option.  All that accomplished was a lot of unhappy marriages with it’s accompanying abuses, back alley abortions, abandoned babies and many more social ills.

  • Anonymous

      Curiously of those people I know who did not want to bring kids in this sick world, managed not to how can that be?

  • Anonymous

    Birth control people. It’s out there. Use it.

    • Anonymous

      Thank you for your support of Planned Parenthood.  Please call your legislators and tell them to not cut funding for this important program.

      sincerely,

    • Anonymous

      But they said these weren’t unplanned pregancies.  That’s the problem-priorities are mixed up.

      • pbmann

        I don’t see anywhere in the article where it says these were planned pregnancies.  One was with someone she dated casually, one she found out after the couple had broken up and the third was already a mother of twins when her boyfriend pawned he engagement ring. 

        None sound planned at all.

        • Anonymous

          “These are not contraception mistakes, there’s no doubt in my mind,” said Luisa Deprez, a professor of sociology and Women & Gender Studies at the University of Southern Maine. “I see it as a much more conscious, secure, more determined woman making a conscious decision to bring another person into their life.”

          • Anonymous

            Well then I certainly don’t expect to see any of them requesting a government handout for the child they brought into the world.

            I also personally believe it is wrong to deliberately have a child without an involved father.

  • Anonymous

    The question of the day is just exactly how many of these babies, and their moms, “We the People” of Maine are thus “supporting with the welfare system.

    Maine is looking more and more like the inner city ghettos where a majority of black children are born to single moms, much to the detriment of the Black American culture as an extremely high number of the young black males are in prison, the natural result of the welfare system.

  • Anonymous

    This is the result of a general lowering of cultural standards and morals.  While there are exceptions, the women who have these children out of wedlock are generally lower class and doing their illegitimate child(ren) and the rest of us no favors.  They are more likely to join the lazy and unproductive on the public dole, and their children are more likely to have problems and create additional burdens on society. 

    • Anonymous

      That’s putting the blame on the women.  Men are the runners. 

      • Anonymous

        You’re right, but – and this is not to excuse the man – they should know that men are the runners and act accordingly.  Women should understand that if they have a child out of wedlock, they’re going to be stuck with probably no help from the father.

        But I’m not placing all the blame on the women.  Birth control is a shared responsibility,  and if that fails, so is support.

        • Anonymous

          Absolutely!  That wasn’t meant to be man-bashing comment.  But it’s hard to blame the women more for the lack of BC if she’s the only one present.  She’s paying the consequence if he’s there or not.

        • Anonymous

          let me see if i understand your logic.  men are pigs and women should just know that.

          That is NOT how I raised my son.

          God help us if that’s how you raised yours.

          • Anonymous

            There you go, getting personal again, and twisting things around.  

            I don’t know what it is about you SingleTrackGirl, but you seem to get very angry, and even insulting at times, when you don’t like what someone else has posted.  You really should slow down and think before you react, because if you think about most of my comments here, you should understand that you and I agree with each other more than we disagree.

            So relax, stop trying to bash men at every turn.

          • Anonymous

            ‘male bashing’ that’s weak. 

            I have a gorgeous 23 year old son and I raised him that ‘blame’ is game for weak minded people and ‘responsibility’ empowers us.

            If you think it is ‘male bashing’ to assume a man can not control himself then you are the one bashing men.

      • Guest

        You are right.  But I have also noticed a large number of women who have “accidentally” become pregnant right when a relationship is failing.  There are far too many women who think getting pregnant and having a baby will save a failing relationship or keep a man from ending the relationship.

  •  “Marriage has always been about money,” he said. “For all of our
    thinking about marriage being about romance — and it is, my wife would
    kill me if I said anything else — marriage as a social institution has
    always been about income and living arrangements.”  

     I suspect this is a load of Bull but in this day and age and from comments I’ve been reading…maybe he’s right?   On second thought he’s full of crap, it wasn’t (and isn’t) “always” about money.

    • Anonymous

      the family is an economic unit.  so yes, it is about money.  

      • Anonymous

        No question about it. 

  • Anonymous

    The research, particularly supported by Harvard’s Charles Murray, clearly indicate that single motherhood is the best indicator that, statistically and generally,  things are not going to go well for the children of those mothers; meaning, they will grow up poorer, less educated, have more psychological issues, and be more prone to end up in prison.   Not a great future you would think.  Still, single  mothers are put up on a pedestal by the media (even Fox) and feminists alike.  

    I”m afraid the solution is to pull the rewards away: make it known that in the future if you have a child without dual parental support for the long haul, you are on your own–no welfare or medical support.  Sorry.  The goal is to make it very clear to potential single mothers:  be very careful in your sexual habits.  If the guy you are  having sex with is not going to be there–and you must be dubious–then make sure you use birth control, or have an abortion (sorry, bible thumpers).  Otherwise, you will have to rely on your family, friends or charity.

    • Anonymous

      How about also making it clear to potential dead beat Dads to be careful of their sexual habits. They have a responsibility to support a child they fathered, not walk away free and clear! Why should the woman have to be the only responsible one? It works both ways you know.

      • Anonymous

        It is already clear to dead beat dads that they are legally responsible for child support and every state has an agency to hold them responsible.  Thing is responsibility is not their strong point (or the mother’s).  Many of them skip, some continue living with the family under the radar so they can get benefits.  (You will note that both parents are passing the irresponsibility gene to their offspring.)

         In terms of working “both ways”, you may be legally and morally right, but  you are biologically wrong.  The biological imperative for men is to spread his genes to as many offspring as possible; for women it is to be selective in the choice of male such, that the offspring reaches maturity.  Unfortunately,  civil irresponsibility works to the advantage of males and the disadvantage of single mother’s (and society).

        • Anonymous

           Well said.

    • Guest

      1111

      • Anonymous

        I would not prefer it; I would accept it as preferable to lessen incentives for the alarming and unacceptable rate of 40% birthrate to single mothers.

        • Guest

          ====

          • Anonymous

            2 points in reply: 
            We have to look at the long term. Children are already being harmed by having a single and irresponsible mother.   How many future children are going to be harmed if we don’t get this single motherhood issue under control.

            Who do you think should pay for the sins of the fathers and mothers–me?  (and it’s not only money but many societal costs as well).

          • Guest

            -=-=-=-

          • Anonymous

             SOME single mothers have been successful.  MOST have not.

            The race is not always to the swift nor the battle to the strong, but that’s the way to bet.

          • Anonymous

            Feeding and taking care of a child is NOT a burden? In which universe?  

            Sure there are many successful single mothers (highly correlated to education, by the way), but they are the exception.  The very great majority of the single mothers that comprise the 40% birthrate in the story will not fare well and neither will their kids.

            Oh, and by the way, Constantine was a murderous butcher–thank you, St. Helena–single mother.

          • Guest

          • Anonymous

            Yes, and there’s the element of moral hazard as well.

  • Anonymous

    Here is what it means. 60% of the rest are married.

  • Anonymous

    People are just plain stupid.  In the 70’s we had sex education and no young person really wanted a baby.  It was a hassle to buy condoms all the time because it cut into the beer budget, but that’s just the way it was.  Today they give out condoms for free and people are too stupid to use them or just want the free ride.  I feel bad for all these kids that have to grow up in poverty.  Not enough people use their heads nowadays.  Buy condoms until you are 30 then worry about starting a family when you have your life in order.

    • Anonymous

      But condoms don’t feel good!! (Whine)

      • Bob

        More often it is the woman who dose not want to use a condom even when a man brings one.  Woman also lie about being on birth control sometimes.  Again men are not as smart about those things for the most part woman have more refined social skills . Men teld to believe them. Not in all cases  but it dose happen. Most men would never refuse sex even if they had to use a condom. Tell a man your all set and you do not like them IE allergic to latex and most men will say ok . 

        • Anonymous

          Are you saying men are not responsible for their actions?

          Your comment gets to the *heart and soul* of misogyny.  That men are guileless and women manipulate the poor darlings with their sexuality.

          WEAK!!

          • Anonymous

            LOVE THIS!!

          • Anonymous

            lol!

          • Bob

            When you are young you do not think . I am older now . Not all woman want a relationship . Now I am with a decent woman we both have good jobs . She has 2 kids . I have one who lives with me half the time even though I am not his biological father I am still his dad. His mother married another guy 6 years ago. I would never walk away or not support a child that was mine. Yes I did make a mistake al long time ago. She tried to get back child support for a child that was 17 . She told me it was not mine a long time ago It was not mine. DNA proved it. I am saying some woman play young men like a fiddle . You have never had a man Play you? I would never not be involve with a child that is mine. Yes some men are half decent just not mature enough to realize you are being played. Not that being said some woman get child support and still get welfare when the man is decent and would have taken care of the child. I learned a lot about life when i got older . Nice guys finish last.

          • Anonymous

            bob, you are obviously a good and thoughtful person.   thank you for taking time to share that ‘bad things happen to good people’.

            Perhaps we can extend that same kind of forgiveness to these young women, as we do to you?

            Instead of scolding and blaming them, maybe we can realize that they were young, made a mistake, but are being responsible by keeping their children. 

            Regarding the unfortunate instance where a woman manipulates a man into an unwanted pregnancy this is all I have to say:

            That would never happen if the man took responsibility for his sperm and used a condom.  Stop blaming women for being manipulative when the truth is men just don’t want to wear a condom.

          • Bob

            Thanks but lets me take that last line and say it works both ways.  Lets not judge anyone negatively about past mistakes if they take positive action and do the best they can.

          • Anonymous

            exactly bob. 

            but almost everyone in this comment section *is* blaming these young mothers…..see?

          • Anonymous

            it works both ways?  that’s passing the buck.

            It takes two people to create pregnancy.  It only takes one person to prevent it.  

        • Guest

          ====

        • Anonymous

          Maybe with the women you’ve been with.  Sounds like from an earlier story of yours you’re jaded.  Men are being irresponsible and over-trusting if they believe at face value a woman is on birth control.  So are you saying most women lie and men just want to get some?

        • Anonymous

          The only time I ever hear “allergic to latex” is when I’m giving blood or having it drawn for my annual physical, and it’s always in the form of a question. 

  • Anonymous

    Where do I fit into this demographic?  I am an unwed mother with a bachelor’s of science degree.  I have been with her father for 11 years, we own a house together, we earn six figures together, and he also has a college degree.  We choose not to get married because lawyer’s and the state make the divorce process so expense and insane, that if we decide to go our seperate ways, we sell the house, split the profit, and walk away.  Don’t judge, just because I don’t need the piece of paper to prove my dedication to my family.

    • Anonymous

      I may be wrong, but I believe the issues are with the unwed mothers who are not able to be independent and take care of themselves financially, never mind the child they have brought into the world. 
      A single woman becoming pregnant by acccident is just that…an accident and she should have help if she needs it. BUT the last I knew, there is more than likely a man that had a little something to do with the situation. Demand assistance from the man for the child. and if he can’t or won’t, make sure he does not “assist” in anymore pregnancies…surgically if need be.
      AND, the single woman that has the one unplanned child…if she should have another? Use some type of implant or tie her tubes to prevent any more children. 
      Oh, and to be sure there is no misunderstanding, I am referring to the women who are living and raising their children on welfare.

    • Anonymous

       You’re the outlier.

    • Anonymous

      You’re situation is less typical, but what happens if things change and your family splits up?

    • Anonymous

      But that’s just a different way of saying “I don’t forsee this working out, so lets just make it easier when we part ways”.  News flash-with all that joint financial debt AND a child, there’s going to be nothing easy about it.  If you are willing to join forces with money, buying a house, and having children, why can’t you commit to each other and your child?  What message are they getting about relationships by seeing that their parents aren’t willing to commit in that portion of their life? (and in my opinion, the most important of all of them!)  If I was a child, I’d ask myself how much my folks actually loved each other.  And I’m not judging, just offering my opinion since you shared.

      • Guest

        ===

        • Anonymous

          Not really.  Marriage gives the children more protection in the event of a split up.

          • Guest

            1111

        • Anonymous

          It’s much more than that.  You put lots of stock in that ‘piece of paper’ called a deed or car registration because it’s protection of something valuable.  How is your committment to each other not as important to protect?  That ‘piece of paper’ shows the committment to the person you share your life with.  But that’s just my opinion. ;)

          • Anonymous

            And it’s an excellent opinion.

      • Guest

        You nailed it.

    • Anonymous

      That doesn’t make what you’re doing moral or right- it’s quite selfish, in fact.

    • Anonymous

      On the scale of umarried-parenting-dysfunction, you certainly seem to rank in the bottom half.
      But you are failing to make a legal, full committment to one another, because of the social burdens you personally feel.  That is just a fact. And it has implications for your children, even if they are just longterm, life lessons. That’s a fact too.

  • Anonymous

    Welfare pays too much It has too easily replaced the family unit. So much for the Great Society

    • Anonymous

      so much for condoms.  it’s easier for a guy to not wear one cuz he can just walk away.  welfare would not exist if men took responsibility.

      it takes two.  

      • Anonymous

        You’re constantly saying that men need to take responsibility. These women need to take responsibility by either using birth control, giving the man the option of no condom, no sex. Responsibility comes before conception.

        • Anonymous

          why do you think that women ‘give men the option of a condom’?

          that’s a curious concept.  can you please explain that?  are you saying men don’t have self control and that women not only have self control but are controlling the men?

          • Anonymous

            You either misread my post or you thinking is a little askew. I’m not saying that women are controlling men. But if I’m not on birth control and the guy is not using a condom then I’m not having sex because that leads to pregnancy. That’s how unplanned pregnancy comes about. It’s my body and I’m taking responsibility for it.

          • Anonymous

            Was his body not present?  

            what is askew about that?

          • Anonymous

            You know, you’ve posted about fifty times on here. And the sad thing is that your concern for the females in this scenario is well-founded, since females to bear the brunt of the burden for single parenthood, poverty, etc.  Which makes your unyielding defense of the “status quo” even more puzzling and foolish.

          • Anonymous

            that’s not my point.  Though, I can understand it being read that way.  My point is to provide an alternate explanation, other than women are solely responsible for out of wedlock children.  as if.

      • Guest

        ===

    • Anonymous

      Under $400 a month for a mother and child! Wow, I’m so jealous!!! They are just living the high life, I guess. You should try it sometime.

      • Anonymous

        and the cost of their subsidized apartment, and I wonder what their healthcare “would” cost them if they actually had to pay for it.  I suspect it is valued at far more than $400/month.  

        • Guest

  • Anonymous

    I like your thinking.  Both parties responsible.  Father’s not getting a free pass from the mothers because ‘they’re a loser and if he pays child support, he can see the child and I don’t want that’.  And the thought that they can do it alone.  Sure you can, but look at the statistics of children from absent-father families-higher chance of drug use, early sexual activity, behavioral problems, etc.  It’s not the mother’s fault, but the resulting children’s lack of self-esteem and stability.  For crying out loud guys, get in the game!! 

    • Anonymous

      Interesting comment. My children, raised in a single parent household, are much better adjusted and have had fewer issues than my nieces and nephews raised in 2 parent households. Many times children have problems because they are raised in a disfunctional family unit.

  • Bob

    Cross your legs.

    • Anonymous

      What an *ss.  How about keep it in your pants?

      • Anonymous

        How about both?

        • Anonymous

          That was my point.  It’s not just about her ‘keeping her legs closed’.  Very sexist comment.  And your reply to me above regarding ‘most men would never refuse sex even if there wasn’t a condom’ only makes the cross your legs one more inflammatory.

          • Anonymous

            I’m not the one who made the reply that you quoted.  Bob said it.

          • Anonymous

            Sorry, I replied from my phone and didn’t see that. :)

          • Anonymous

            Hope you’re not driving.

          • Anonymous

            No, I was home.  But thanks for checking. :)

  • Anonymous

    And tax payers are paying for these kids…

    • Anonymous

      How do you know?

      • Anonymous

        i do….

        • Guest

          1111

        • Jake_OO7

          Don’t use your relatives as proof please.

  • Anonymous

    If some of these unwed mothers realized how difficult it is to raise a child alone they would not take the chance of becoming pregnant. Men will say anything, do anything to get what they want from a woman. How can you really tell which ones are the players and liars before hand? The figures of unwed mothers in this state is a statistic that is way beyond belief. [Another figure I found beyond belief is that 6000 temporary domestic violence orders were filed in a year in Maine.] These figures speak volumes as to the problems that Maine has.

    • Anonymous

      Then again, it comes down to making better choices from the get-go.  Don’t marry or have a child with someone you’ve known for only a short time.  Don’t settle.  It doesn’t always work, but it would work better if people did a little research and took time to know some one and not be so quick to jump into playing house.

  • Anonymous

    Those gays really are ruining marriage! 

    • Anonymous

      right on.

    • Anonymous

      Touche’.  Finally, an ironic argument that’s hard to disagree with even if you’re against same sex marriage.

  • Anonymous

    On declining marriage rates: ” … fewer people feeling like they’re on stable ground to make a commitment …”

    And having a child is not considered to be a commitment? Seriously?

    “In a list of wants — college, career, marriage, children — the last can look most attainable.”

    Ah yes, of course it is all about what someone WANTS. I want, I want, I want, and I’m determined to get it, regardless of whether or not I have the emotional maturity and financial means to care for that thing that I want so much.

    It has often been said that child-free couples are child-free because they are “selfish.” Well if this article doesn’t shed light on who the selfish people really are, I don’t kow what will.

  • Anonymous

    I used to teach in Maine, and I heard a conversation amongst high school seniors who were in study hall: One girl told her friends she was thinking about getting pregnant. “Would you marry the father,” asked one girl. “Hell, no,” the original girl replied. “If we get married, we lose food stamps, Mainecare and free education.”

    This is the reality for some people. Sad, but true.

    • Guest

      ===

      • Anonymous

        I’m not sure I understand what you’re saying. That kids wouldn’t say what I just said? You’d be in the wrong if you think it’s just hearsay on my part. Kids are SMART. If you know you can’t afford school, and you’ve watched a generation ahead of you getting that monthly check for doing nothing but breeding, it makes perfect sense to them to consider the same thing. Especially in places where kids don’t see any examples of families who have it better or in places where jobs are nonexistent. Desperation is a powerful motivator.

        • Guest

          ===

          • Anonymous

            I see what you’re saying now. That makes sense. And you are right, kids of these people shouldn’t be the ones who suffer, and some people who are being targeted sincerely need the help.

  • Anonymous

    A Maine girl has to make a living.  No freebies when the baby daddy is present and accounted for.

    • Guest

      ===

  • Anonymous

    Well at least it isn’t the gays that are destroying marriage this time, Who’s to blame?

    • Anonymous

      You’re right.  This is a heterosexual problem, but I wouldn’t call it “destroying marriage” because these people don’t even get to marriage.

  • Anonymous

    I find it appalling to see this trend in America and with each successive generation it only gets worse.  While there have always been children born out of wedlock it seems that, commencing in the 60’s with the so-called “free love” of the flower children, pregnancy outside of marriage has become not only accepted, but in many cases preferable.  It says something about the moral fiber of our country.  There are any number of reasons for this- the advent of welfare programs which have fostered multiple pregnancies by paying increased benefits for multiple children, celebrities who glorify single parenthood (Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie), a government that treats single mothers as victims, etc., etc.  The latest trend and, in my opinion, the worst yet is “hooking up”, or meeting someone solely for the purpose of having sex.  Never mind morals, decency, or respect between partners.  I have been horrified to hear that this is going on in HIGH SCHOOL!  We are raising a generation of hedonists, out for just what feels good at the moment, unencumbered by accountability or responsibility- a society full of Sandra Fluks who want to enjoy a good time while everybody else pays for it.  It sickens me to know we’re leaving our great nation in the hands of such spoiled nitwits.  And Christisans are the enemy?  I think not.

    • Anonymous

      Best post ever man

    • Anonymous

      Yah, where was the “hooking up” when I was a kid?  It’s not fair.  The older generations have to pay for it without having had the fun of it.

    • Anonymous

      Speak for yourself.  My children are fabulous.

      John 3:17, Christian.

  • Guest

    What it means is that the marriage institution is going downhill fast!

  • Anonymous

    Whatever happened to morals and responsibility? Back in the day, anyone having an illigitimate baby was looked down upon. Nowadays, they’re rewarded with every social program there is, food stamps have become debit cards so there’s no embarassment, etc. Getting close to losing benefits? Pop out another kid. News flash…WE DON’T WANT TO SUPPORT YOUR KIDS. If you choose to get pregnant, please plan on supporting them yourselves. That goes for both men and women. A marriage license goes a long ways towards showing committment, something’s been lost with this whole new attitude. I worked to support my legitimate family, no one ever gave us a dime. If we could do it, so can everyone else. If you get divorced, same deal…both of you work to support your family. DO NOT expect anyone else to support the kids you CHOSE to bring into this world. If they turned off all social benefits tomorrow, and went back to making it an embarassment to have to stand in line monthly for surplus cheese, I bet a lot of singles would think twice before jumping into parenthood. It’s not up to anyone to support your kids but you.

    • Guest

      ####

    • Anonymous

      tell me why so many conservatives are anti choice and worry so much about something in the womb and forget it as soon as its out

  • Patten_Pete

    Just keep handing out taxpayer money and breed those liberal voters.

    It is truly that simple.

    • Anonymous

      only an ignorant conservative would assume that there aren’t at least as many conservatives getting tax payer money as there are liberals

      • Patten_Pete

        When the government hands out money for extra births and the poor see this as an income stream, they will produce more children. Meanwhile, the hard working taxpayers who do not collect welfare control their family size for fear of things such as college education costs. As a result, the subset of society on welfare is growing at a faster rate than those paying taxes and they don’t vote Republican. They vote for the politicians who give them my money like Halloween candy.

        We are breeding our collective IQ towards room temperature as a result of these policies.

        • Anonymous

          you want to know where the child support money is going, P?  

          I bet you every non support paying father in your town owns a snowmobile.  or worse, lives with the women on welfare with his own children so HE doesn’t have to work.  

          last time I saw a liberal on a snow mobile?  

          not often.  we’re the ones on snowshoes and xc skis. 

          • Patten_Pete

            Illogical argument.

            We are breeding ourselves into dumbness and Democrats.

          • Anonymous

            what i said is not illogical, Pete.  

            I can explain it to you again, but I can’t understand it for you.

          • Patten_Pete

            Nasty. Typical.

          • Anonymous

            dense.  as usual.

  • Anonymous

    “40 percent of Maine births are to single mothers: Experts look at what it means”
     
    As a licensed master social worker who works day in and day out trying to help all kinds of families, including many with single mothers, I can tell you exactly “what it means”:  it isn’t good.

    As a state you pay for this reality in ways and amounts that you can’t begin to imagine. The children, as well, pay for this reality in ways and amounts that you can’t begin to imagine.

    For every exception to what I just said, there are 50 ” not exceptions”.

  • Anonymous

    A lot of the comments here dance around the real issue causing this problem.  It is not the welfare state (though that’s a big part); It is not irresponsibility of men and women(though that’s a big part.  People will take advantage of opportunities).  It is…wait for it… the notion of absolute, again–ABSOLUTE, equality of the sexes (and the independent no-need-for-a-guy super-woman).

    A century ago or so, I took a basic Sociology course that listed 5 institutions necessary for a society to exist.  One was the institution of marriage.  The idea is that society needs rules and standards:  get married and stay together … or else.   The need for these rules and for this institution is based on the notion that people need to be encouraged by laws and punishments as well peer pressure to behave properly.  Biologically, in nature, males will father as many offspring  as they can;  females are the selective ones because they bear the burden of raising the offspring.   There is a whole academic field that specializes in the notion that we humans still, in many if not all ways, act on our biological and baser instincts–Sociobiology.  Our society had rules and mores (like shame and ostracism) that encouraged socially responsible behavior.

    In the sixties things started to change–free love and all that.  Women could be independent, did not have to rely on men anymore.  Marriage was not so sacrosanct.  Then the Great Society happened and government now provided for single moms and babies.   What we have now is a result of those changes in societal attitude and the lack of constraints for single motherhood–both financial and philosophical.  The solution is to reverse course and go back to strong sanctions toward an enduring  marital contract before childbirth.

    Although you can hear many stories about successful rearing of accomplished children by single mothers, the truth is that children raised by single mothers usually have a much harder life and less chances than their counterparts.  Stop putting single motherhood on a pedestal!

    • Anonymous

      Well said!

      • Anonymous

        WOW!

         We agree.

         The human species may be miles ahead of the next lower rung on the ladder, but we are STILL governed by our most basic instincts no matter what the more “civilized” among us think.

  • Anonymous

    ONCE AGAIN GO FOR IT MAINE

  • Anonymous

    37 years ago i was single and gave birth to a beautiful baby girl..there was no free or low income apartment, food stamps, free education….i lived with my parents and when my daughter turned 2 i was tired of getting that little check every month from the state so  i got a full time job (i did not even have my license and i was 21) managed to get to work every day and never looked back…i did not have another child until i got married and my children are 10 years apart….birth control is very simple….you take a pill every day or get s shot once a month..or make the “man” show some responsibility by using a condom….if he won’t use one then don’t have sex with him….if you do not practice birth control then you are trying to get pregnant….i agree with some of these comments that it is not a child to some, it is a check….

    • Guest

      1l1l1l1

      • Anonymous

        i never said afdc did not exist 30+ years ago….what i said was after 2 years of that little check i took respsonsibility for MY actions and got a job and never looked back…and 60 months is FIVE years and that is why a lot of women turn around and get pregnant again so they can add another 5 years on…that is when a child becomes a check….

        • Guest

          ^^^^

          • Anonymous

            i apologize…i did not realize it was a lifetime limit of 5 years….but after 5 years what happens??? i would really like to know because i really am interested…  i think the big word is RESPONSIBILITY….one of the two people involved in the intended sex act needs to take responsibility..it doesn’t matter which one does or what method they choose (even if it is abstinence at the last minute) they just need to take a responsible stand…and i do realize that sometimes a bc method does not work but at least said person made an effort….again i apologize for not realizing there was a time limit…

          • Allowing people to be exempt from the five-year limit means they can keep popping out babies and continue to cry poverty.  20% is one in five!  People get out of the work-related activities or volunteering using lack of transportation, child care, and medical excuses ALL THE TIME.  I’m sick of the entitlement generation and I’m sick of those enabling it.A five-year limit is five years too long in my opinion.

          • Guest

    • Anonymous

      Best post ever

  • Anonymous

     I find my household was more emotionally supportive of children then my married siblings were as well. Thanks for pointing that out.

  • Anonymous

    The only problem Maine has is men who refuse to take a more responsible stance in their baby making abilities. You all know you can do it even if you claim you can’t but somehow when that baby comes out looking exactly like you, you still didn’t do it.

    • Anonymous

      How about taking responsibility yourself by gong on birth control? The ultimate responsibility lies with the woman. You may not like it, but it is reality.

      • Anonymous

         Oral contraceptives don’t work while on antibiotics.  Unfortunately no one ever informed me of that when I was in college.  My second, I was engaged to be married and found out he was cheating on me.  I left him.  Thanks for judging me.  I appreciate how supportive you are.

        • Anonymous

           Our support is evident every time you get a check or use your EBT card.

          • Anonymous

             Again with the assumptions. Except for three months total I have never been on welfare in any way what so ever. I had a c-section after my last child and had a relapse because the day I got home from hospital I had to shovel snow that was plowed up onto my front porch. Three lousy months I guarantee I paid for in taxes before I needed it and long after I needed it. I feel no shame for needing it. I also am humane enough to understand how other women feel when they are left holding the bag when obviously it took two to get her in that position. You want change? Start right with yourselves.

        • mainefem

          Depro shots every three months, and/or Norplants (or similar types which last for FIVE years).

          Condoms do not work effectively (and fuggetabout STIs and HIV transmission)!

           

      • Guest

        ////

  • Anonymous

     That shame thing never works.

  • Anonymous

    How about you men not have sex with a girl you don’t know if you have no intention of supporting those women or those children. It is as simple as that.

  • Anonymous

    She got pregnant by a guy she dated casually? DOH, here come more customers for DHHS. The place these people fall to when this happens is just too comfortable.

  • Anonymous

    No moral compass, then went out a long long time ago!

  • CG

    send them a check please

  • Anonymous

    Or, Maine yanks the help. Maybe more people do for themselves. Maybe more couples stay together the old-fashioned way

    These are words that would come from my mouth. If you have no way to take care of a baby, DONT HAVE ONE! Birth control is so EASY to get.

    Ladies- it is our choice and ours alone. You will have to take care of the baby. It is born of your body!

    I am a single mother with my childs father. We have been together for 12 years. Government has made a joke of marrige. In Gods eyes, we share a child and lay together we are married. I dont need a paper to tell me so.

  • Anonymous

    Where are the family values in today`s society? How can any of these women hold there head up and say they did the right thing?  The families need to step in and help with the support of these children (including the mother, she is still a child) both financially and emotionally.
    And yes it takes 2 to conceive a child so lets not forget about deadbeat dad ( not all cause some do step up and support their kids, even though they can`t get along with mom).
    If you can father (term use loosely cause their not fathers) you should be supporting them.
    Why should the taxpayers foot the bill for their carelessness.
    And then you have the families that are tied to the welfare system thru generations and actually know the system better then the case workers.
    Bottom line keep you legs crossed and it in your pants til you can support a family
    And those on the welfare gravy wagon should be kicked of after a life time total of 5 years

  • I suggest we start by not permitting any public funds for single mothers unless and until the mothers cooperate with authorities to determine paternity of all children born out of wedlock.  And then both parents are held financially responsible for the child. 

    • Anonymous

      Yes, and the public benefits received should accumulate as a joint and several obligation of both parents to repay the government, the obligation to be a debt that is non dischargeable in bankruptcy.

    • Guest

  • Anonymous

    Some couples postpone marriage until after the baby is born so the state/mainecare pays the delivery bill

  • Guest

    why would a women get married when she can get MOST of the fathers money through child support. Take him back for more money every chance she gets and have the courts side with her all along the way. She never has to work if she does that two/three times with different fathers. I have yet to see many cases where the court system says enough is enough to the female. Most of the time…….it’s like, yup sir “pay her more.” Then the men don’t have a pot to pee in for the next 18 yrs!! If I was a male that this had happened to me(wife runs off with another man, doesn’t work, takes most of my money for child support, takes me back to court for more money,calls all the shots and the court supports her) I’d create a group, put legislation in and make some changes!!

    • Anonymous

      while i pretty much agree with what you are saying it doesn’t always work that way….in my case my husband walked out on us and i was making $10.25 an hour….becuz he owned his own business and had planned this out for a year and moved his monies around he ended up being told he only had to pay me (1 kid) $11 a week in child support and it was up to me to prove his assests had been hidden…i could not afford that so i had to let it go…oh and I had to cover him under my health insurance at MY expense until the day of the divorce becuz the poor man needed time to find a health insurance plan….

  • Anonymous

    How about practicing some birth control? How about being very very picky about who you sleep with?

  • Anonymous

    Interesting that no one talks about a solution. If man has a child that he won’t support, sterilization. If a woman has a child tha she can’t support sterilazion. People should not be allowed to have a baby that they won’t or cant support. Remember the cost to society does not end with childhood. The fact is there are a lot of people having babies that will never be parents. Time to stop them from having any more babies. This tends to go on generation after generation, and it is the cost to the child that should be considered first, then the cost to society. Having a child is a responsibility, but not a right, unless you are willing  to raise it and support it.

  • Anonymous

    It means they have learned one thing form the tv and there parents.  A kid in America is the golden ticket. Have one and all will be handed to you. Why have a family and work for a living that is way to hard.

  • Anonymous

    I got bad news for you people who put single parents down without knowing their story, none of you will ever make it to humane. Mostly old people who are so fixed on getting theirs are who feel the way you do and if you thought about it you would see there is absolutely no need to worry.  You are going to get you SS checks so stop being so repugnant.

    • Anonymous

      This has nothing to do with SS checks- it has to do with accepting responsibiliity for your own body & practicing birth control if you are going to indulge in transient relationships that have no future. In other words, as my mother used to say, ” Sex is a sacred sharing of yourself. Be care ful who you share yourself with”

  • Anonymous

    The lack of morality is stunning. Of course, all these women expect the taxpayer to fill the gap that a husband/committed partner should be filling.  It has to stop somewhere.  There just isn’t enough money.

    • Anonymous

      All these women…so they’re doing this all by themselves? Sorry, there are just as many men involved, so stop putting all of the blame on the women.

  • Anonymous

    I am tired of paying for them, let it be the responsibility of the Towns so when they go for benefits there is some SHAME!

  • Anonymous

     Here’s a government program I can get behind: free birth control for all. Condoms, pills, sponges, diaphrams, whatever you need. Like in college: a basket of condoms at every turn. Vasectomies and tubal ligations too.

    But birth control only works if you use it so…

    Boys: wrap that fella every time. Girls, no glove, no love. Simple, really.

    • Anonymous

      I think that ‘meatloaf paradise by the dashboard light’ discribe it very well .lol

       

  • And how much Free assistance did/does she get from the State, for the next 20 years, per our buck,,, for her incredible lack of judgement,,,  to not have an abortion ?  Where is the accountability here ?  According to the State, there is none ! 

    • mainefem

      Abortions in Maine (for low income folks) are not $$$ supported.

      Can’t have it both ways.

      Too “sinful.”

      Biological “Dad’s” accountability is exactly what, again?????

  • mainefem

    These statistics are sickening.

    Young women (teens) have access today to excellent forms of birth control (NOT condoms–get real) at PP clinics.

    They’re kids giving birth to kids!

    Way to mess up everyone’s life.

    Access to abortions?

    Isn’t there–esp. for teens and low income women.

    Biological “Dad” is off the hook for life.

    He has *nothing* to lose, unfortunately.

    Dads in Maine are notorious for skipping out on child support (working under the table, only paying miniscule portions, it’s late, not enough is ordered in the first place)–I could go on.

    Child support enforcement in Maine is a joke.

    http://www.guttmacher.org/pubs/FB-ATSRH.html

    Married couples are also at risk.

    Women who have too many children throughout their 30 yr.+ reproductive lifespans (and end up divorced or widowed) need to have highly paid white collar professional careers; and  post-secondary educational statuses under their belts.

    Never give birth to more children than you can financially support alone, is the kicker.

    Have those tubes tied & singed to a dark blackened crisp!

  • Anonymous

    I think these days no one puts any priority on their children. There are many people that buy into the idea that you should just split if you are not getting along with your spouse. This is a bunch of crap, the temptation to be with another with that sort of thought always lingers, and the willingness to work out issues with the current spouse eventually fades. You stick with your spouse because you want the best for your kids, and I’m not talking about people who have domestic violence or drug problems in their households, I’m talking about the majority of divorcees who just don’t feel like being together anymore. Kids need that structure and step parents can never quite fill the void, most kids end up being torn between mom and dad in an endless struggle and don’t get the coherent attention they deserve while growing up. I can see some people saying, “Well, I should have never been with that person, it just wouldn’t work and there is so much baggage and bad history.”, and how many times do you see people who will say such things and yet move on to the next person who is EXACTLY THE SAME as their last partner? It’s the same thing as buying a cheap brand water pump for your car, going through all the work to uninstall the old one, install the new one, it fails after a day, then repeating the process by buying another cheap brand water pump! People are looking for happiness in all the wrong places, why would you search and search for it when you have all the tools to build it right in front of you! It’s our society’s generally accepted behavior that is the problem!

  • Anonymous

    To many it is a planned thing…Mommy gets pregnant and tells the state she doesn’t know who the dad is ,  gets all the bennies from the state..Dad lives with her , unknown to the state , and works under the table…It is a life style choice which must end…

  • Anonymous

    The r’s want to do away with family planning and contraception. This is what we get. On one hand do away with an agency that just may prevent more of this and in the next breathe condemn those who are getting pregnant.

  • Anonymous

    people should be sterilized at birth, then can only have it reversed when they can prove their ability to raise a child that will be able to participate in the education system adequately and provide for future generations.  

    One will claim the right to have children, however, what about the right of those that have to support those that just have children to have them..

    This is  sad fact, single moms in society left to struggle and those people just popping kids for the sake of having them.  It is the dumbing of society, de-evolution of the human
    race.

    • Guest

      ….

  • maine is not tough enough on deadbeat dads that would make people responsible

  • Not every unmarried mother is single with a deadbeat dad.  I’m expecting child #2 with my partner, we live together and he’s very involved.  We both work full-time and receive no state benefits.  I know of many other couples in the same situation, who have for whatever reason decided that marriage isn’t necessary to be together and have a family.  

    Just another side of the issue.

  • hey-I’m-your-man

    You are required a licence to drive a car, you need to go to school for 13 years to graduate, you need a licence to be a doctor, nurse, teacher . . . the list goes on – but NO one requires you to have licence to see if you are fit to have a kid – scary!

    • Guest

      ….

      • hey-I’m-your-man

        You really don’t get what I am saying do you.

  • As a single woman who has been responsible about birth control for basically all of my adult life (thanks largely to Planned Parenthood helping me afford the pill), I’m one fertilized egg away from getting free healthcare for life. Sorta funny how that works. It doesn’t take “experts” to figure this out.

  • Lord Whiteman

     What did people expect to happen when Wall st shipped all the jobs overseas? 

  • Anonymous

    Just for the point of discussion I’d like to hear a valid argument why child-bearing age women who become pregnant out of marriage have absolutley no responsibility to taxpayers and why they should be protected from transparency.

    While we’re at it I’d like to hear a valid argument why father-capable men who father out of marriage have no responsibility to taxpayers and why they should be protected from transparency?

    One more thing….I need a vaild argument why it is clear and evident that porky politicians who birth pregnant policies are wrong but Mainers who birth (oftentimes) generational debt are right. 

  • Anonymous

    The Tea Party Republicans took away the Planned Parenthood free birth control so now you have babies lots and lots of babies for Welfare, WIC, Food Stamps and Medicaid for the next 18 years to pay for. Guess the Pill would have been a lot cheaper in the long run. Oh well, the Baptists and Evangelicals have plenty of money for feeding these kids through their so called charity.

  • Anonymous

    Billions of dollars in WELFARE is what it means.  It does not take an expert to figure that out….. Raise your daughter to be self supporting, educated, and independent.  Raise your son to take responsibility for his actions! Take responsibility for your childrens actions and support your own grand children!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Do not ask everyone else to pay for your parenting mistakes!

  • Anonymous

    Here is some help for those who work and still can not afford healthcare -www.rxcut.com/RXA00065.  This FREE card provides access to savings up to 75% on prescription meds and up to 50% on lab and imaging services. It works and  I have been using this for 3 months now. The savings are usually 10-20$ off one prescription but it could be more for you. You can ask your pharmacist to keep this card on your file so that way you dont have to carry it.  That’s what I did. Good luck!

  • Anonymous

    If experts dont know what it means then no wonder so many teens are getting pregnant!

You may also like