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Flexible Mitt Romney won’t wear well in general election

Posted April 11, 2012, at 4:43 p.m.

Mitt Romney has flipped, stretched and morphed into a political Barbapapa. Romney has played both sides of the aisle regarding marriage equality, gun control, abortion and immigration, to name a few.

Romney was recently called out for the Op-Ed he wrote for USA Today in 2009 urging Obama to adopt the health care mandate system he created for Massachusetts. He also was caught touting his health care mandate knowing full well that true conservatives would not stand for any government mandates at any point in time (at least in 2012), but Romney went against the Republican Party grain, and established a health care mandate anyway.

Mitt Romney panders and sways from the left to the right like a Michigan tree. And the substance of his speeches remind me of a nice bowl of cheesy grits sitting in a windowsill on a humid day. Romney has gone way beyond politics as usual by transcending to new levels, morphing into something we have never seen before in American presidential politics.

Conservatives in the Republican Party have pulled Romney so far to the right of the political spectrum that as the nominee, Romney would have a rough time running back to the political middle for his general election campaign. This political transition would cause a massive over-stretch which could cause Romney to simply just vanish like an Etch A Sketch doodle, only to reappear as a new person in Paris, France; “Bonjour mon 1 percent ‘errrs.” Romney is fluent in French, so this is very possible.

Now we’ve come to the point of my story. Barbapapas are lovable blob-like animated characters that aired in the 1960s and 1970s. They’re famous for being able to “change into all shapes and sizes, very easily,” by morphing their own bodies. They are the ultimate survivors, physically morphing into trees, houses, bridges and even into other people if need be. The Barbapapas will mimic everything in order to survive. Sound familiar?

How is a President Romney going to renegotiate with the likes of Mahmoud Ahmadinejad in Iran and Kim Jong Un in North Korea without his Etch A Sketch at arms length? How can Romney show international bona fides when he morphs and tweaks his way out of serious problems facing our nation? With so many questions coming into play concerning Mitt Romney, why take chances on this guy? A risky bet is a risky bet.

I have been comparing Barbapapas to Romney, but as a Barbapapa fan, I know that the two ideologies are very different from each other. Barbapapas are socialistic folks and at the most, Barbapapas could be considered Keynesians, routinely building their own infrastructure and even morphing into their own infrastructure if they have to. And if you compare the Barbapapa ideology to Mitt Romney’s laissez-faire capitalistic ideology, the contrast beams like a flood light.

While Americans discuss the state of our nation, Romney spins and morphs playing both sides of the aisle, appeasing only himself and perhaps the richest 1 percent of American voters. As for the rest of us, (99 percent of the country), we must confront the possibility of Mitt Romney as president. This scenario would most certainly pose a threat to our country’s national security.

So the bottom line is this: Americans cannot afford a capitalistic, laissez-faire style Etch A Sketch president. It’s time for Romney to go home (whichever state that is) and flourish in the private sector in order to produce more jobs. As an American, this is where Romney would be most helpful, in the private sector, very far away from politics. Or maybe France.

Lucky Bistoury is a political blogger and an aspiring multimedia political journalistic studying political science at Southern Maine Community College. He lives in Wells.

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