The Irish verse, from best to worst; reader limericks for St. Paddy’s Day

Posted March 16, 2012, at 3:24 p.m.
Last modified March 16, 2013, at 10:59 a.m.

We asked you, dear readers, to send us limericks for our second annual contest, and wow — 112 people from all over the state sent us more than 200 limericks! Slainte!

We had so many, in fact, that in order to have enough space to print something from everyone, we had to choose just one limerick from each entrant that submitted a correctly formatted and rhymed poem. If your limericks had incorrect rhymes, uneven syllables, did not include your appropriate contact information or was just plain not a limerick, we’re sorry, but you were disqualified.

We also received a number of limericks from children ages 8-10 in the communities of Hermon, Glenburn and Whiting, and while we loved all of them, they weren’t eligible to enter the contest (though we do have them up on bangordailynews.com) because of their ages.

To help us select a winner from the entries that did make the cut, please take a moment to read through them, and vote for your favorite — print readers, please visit our website to take part in the vote, which will close at 5 p.m. Monday, March 19. We’ll announce the winner online and in print in Tuesday’s BDN, and that person will receive a $50 gift card to Geaghan’s Pub and Restaurant in Bangor. Again, thank you to all that participated! May the luck of the Irish be with you!

Desiree Grubbs, Swan’s Island

There once was a little green man

Who was stopped whilst in Ireland

“Wrong man you have got,

Pot of gold I have not

Not leprechaun but Yoda I am!”

Tom Taylor Lash, Orland

My car has a passion for gas

It constantly drinks, but alas

The dollars I pay

Have led me to say

My next ride will likely eat grass

Stephanie Turner, Winterport

At Geaghans today I’ll be drinkin’,

and all will know what I am thinkin’.

On St. Paddy’s day,

I’ll give a toast and say

Lord, please stop my wallet from shrinkin’.

Camille Boisvert, Gouldsboro

Renee, she’s a black Lab so nice

Her commands, no need to say twice

If you let out a giggle

She’ll throw you a wiggle

That ends in a split on the ice!

Robert Greenlaw, Greenbush

Spring in Maine this year is quite runny.

The rain and the snow, they aren’t funny.

The mud is real deep.

Into our shoes it does seep,

but, so far, no mosquitoes to be hungry!

Leslie Jenkins, Millinocket

The sons and daughters of Maine

Leave to seek their fortune and fame.

They go out-of-state,

But that’s not their true fate.

Back in Maine there is plenty to claim.

James Louder, Corinna

There is a headmaster I see

Who often appears on TV

The thrust of his pitch

is to get kids to switch

To a small private school up in Lee

Robert Hawes, Hampden

A White Leghorn hen had a mission

A B.A. was her lifetime’s ambition

But, she said, “If I lay

An egg every day,

I still can’t afford the tuition.”

David Bright, Dixmont

We think that it’s springtime at last

But remembering Aprils past

It’s easy to see

Just how there could be

Another cold wintery blast

Carolyn Langert, Pittsfield

I once took a ride into Bangor

Then pondered what I had gone there for

I was really surprised

When I realized

I was there cause I wanted to shop more!

Kevin Holmes, Bangor

There once was a country called Greece

That Goldman Sachs came for to fleece

They cooked the books and got paid

And the EU got played

Now misery there will increase

Vince Hartford, Lincoln

A hot-tempered man lives in strife

With his friends, his co-workers and wife

But a man slow to rage

Will reap peace as his wage

From his youth to the end of his life

Rebecca McCall, Blue Hill

Scores of liars and nincompoops roam

Till they finally locate a home

Where they won’t be harassed

Which is why they’ve amassed

Safely under the Capitol dome

Donna Ouellet, Addison

Don’t text and drive, so they say

But my thoughts I have to relay

I saw the blue lights

My heart quickened with fright

And now I have a big fine I must pay

Susan Killam, Blanchard

The Great State of Maine is so fine

From coastal beaches to tall northern pine.

Moose, lobster, and deer,

They bring people here

And Vacationland continues to shine.

Anita Eberbach Stuart, Dover-Foxcroft

To make the St. Patrick’s Day scene

It’s wise to display something green

Clothes, hair, or your face

Choose any good place

Even soup in your mother’s tureen!

Kristine Bondeson, Stockholm

There was a Maine farmer of means

Who saved every penny he gleaned.

“What’s you secret?” folks cried.

“Couldn’t save if we tried.”

Said the farmer, “Just eat pork and beans!”

Donna Carter, Mapleton

The Irish are known for their whiskey

And behavior decidedly risky

For quaffing poteen

While wearing the green

Can make one uncommonly frisky!

Marilyn Etchison, Hampden

There once was a man from Vincinnes

Who was terribly, terribly thin

This man names McRahan

Longed to eat at Geaghan’s

So the contest he needed to win

George Baker, Brewer

We’re happy to have Geaghan’s near

When brewing for us drinks so dear

The family from Brewer

Brings us tastes that are newer

Which enhances our pleasure from beer

Patricia Gallagher, Presque Isle

When you hike up to Carrigaline

You’ll be met by a shyster named Sheen

If you slip him a bob

You’ll have beer in your gob

And more corned beef than you’ve ever seen

Guy Gallagher, Presque Isle

There’s a pub in merry Athlone

When a wolfhound lies gnawin’ a bone

Says the publican there

“You should sit in a chair

So Pat Murphy won’t feel so alone”

Patsy A. Carlson, Presque Isle

There once was a man named Bill

Who dreamt he was over the hill

He woke in the night

With a terrible fright

And sat on his windowsill

Elizabeth Ann McCullen, Hampden

St. Patrick drove out the snake

Said repent your past mistakes

Would he see the fun

In his name begun

By green fools out on the make?

Stephen Norris, Orrington

There once was a singer named Jean

On high notes her face would turn green

On low notes she’d bellow,

and turn a bright yellow,

the most colorful singer I’ve seen!

Sandra Robinson, Bangor

There once was a lady named Meghan

Who’s favorite Pub was Geaghan’s

She loved the green beer

But lived with the fear

That the next mornin’ her head would be achin’

Lital Rudoy, Bangor

On St. Paddy’s I looked for gold

So I have some when I am old

Instead of getting lucky

I began to feel yucky

And now I have gotten the cold!

George Adams, Brewer

There once was a Danny Boy song

I used to sing all day long

But right now I’m afraid

That no homage be paid

I sing it totally wrong.

Fran Drabick, Eastport

I cannot begin to tell ye

That everyone seems to smell thee

As you boil in pots

Cabbage smells like rot

And sends all my neighbors to flee.

Julie Ellis, Dexter

There once was an old Irish elf

Who took great pride in himself

He always wore green

And loved to be seen

So he could spread plenty of wealth

Angela Monroe, South Thomaston

Our great state has long had the claim,

Of a senator with “Snowe” in her name.

But when she finally got done,

Then the “King” made his run,

And tried to change “Snowe” into “reign.”

Philippa Harvey, Orrington

An Irishman from Bangor, Maine,

Took a ride on the B & A Train,

He rode to the junction,

To an afternoon function,

Then staggered back home in the rain

Jeremy Lehan, Bangor

By the edge of the Kenduskeag Stream,

Is a vision most fair and pristine.

After snow and the ice,

It just looks oh so nice—

’Tis a patch of wee grass that is green!

Finn Bondeson, Woodland

I met a young trucker who boasted,

Of all the fine highways he’d coasted,

Stuck five feet in a rut,

Mired deep to his gut,

Saying, “Golly, this road should be posted!”

Kathe Walton, Salsbury Cove

We’ve had little snow this season

As spring’s quickly approaching, I reason

There must be some elves

Keeping us dry, this ’12

Mother Nature’s fair doings are pleasin’!

Larry Beck, Rockland

Kate O’Toole, who taught English in Brewer,

Was a bright lass to all those who knew her

But she still lost her job

And explained with a sob,

“I used ‘less’ when I should have used ‘fewer!’”

Cathy Lemin, Bangor

A wee bit o’ winter remains

Its effects, they are starting to wane

Our Snowe wants to go

Thus causing some woe

What changes will spring bring to Maine?

Charlie Anderson, Stockholm

“Will he run? Yes he will, King, Angus,”

Lamented good Dems, “Gol-dang us.”

Mike M. and Johnny B.,

and Hannah and Chellie P.

All cry, “Out to dry you did hang us.”

Ron Blum, Patten

A tourist was speaking of Maine,

She said, “Driving 95 is a pain,

While traffic is bearable

The moose there are terrible,

I’d rather traverse it by train.”

Linda Browning, Stockton Springs

The husband recently retired

He is thankful he didn’t get fired

Since becoming quite lazy

He’s driving wife crazy

She’s praying he’ll soon be re-hired

Lawrence Merrill, Bangor

Creating a limerick a day

Should help keep dementia away

Finding words that will rhyme

And sound right each time

Can be… What’d I say?

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