I continue to believe more turkey is consumed at picking time — that’s right after everyone has just eaten for two hours and the cleaning of the table starts — than at the meal.
That’s when the carcass of the bird gets moved to the kitchen and everyone walking by picks. What vultures! Yes, I am one.
Anyway, speaking of turkeys, this is just too good.
Ohio State University president Gordon Gee said last week of the infernal discussion about the Bowl Championship Series college football bowl setup and TV’s demand for more money (also known as a college football playoff), “Well, I don’t know enough about the X’s and O’s of college football. I do know, having been both a Southeastern Conference president and a Big Ten president, that it’s like murderer’s row every week for these schools. We do not play the Little Sisters of the Poor.”
Ouch. His point was that schools like Boise State and TCU do not deserve to be in the BCS picture because of their schedules. This is what college presidents have to worry about?
Being the only one against a college playoff system besides Gee, one must hesitate to dissect his words. Yet, as the foolishness regarding a mythical national football championship drones on, a solution seems right before our eyes.
The Little Sisters of the Poor were founded around 1843. They number some 2,700 sisters strong worldwide, working in some 202 homes.
Their mission is the care of the elderly, especially the poor and dying.
The LSP, that is the acronym they use in this computer age, take a vow of chastity, poverty, obedience and hospitality.
There it is — the answer to the college football national whatever — right before our eyes.
One need not play the sisters of the poor but rather emulate them!
All college players and coaches should take the same vow the sisters do, with a little room being given on the chastity side.
Imagine, a vow of poverty. Eliminate all college sports scholarships. Let the pro leagues do their own recruiting and training, at their expense.
College student-athletes would come for a college education and a little sport to help them grow. What a concept!
Imagine a vow of obedience to the rules of participation. No more bribes under the table, gun fights at bars and idiotic displays of stupidity on the field.
Imagine a vow of hospitality. One would welcome all opponents as equals and in the spirit of sports, exercise sportsmanship and humility as part of an all-out effort.
Yes, president Gee has led us to the promised land. We can see the victors and they are the LSP.
A portion of the money we would save on scholarships could be given to the LSP for their worthy work.
College presidents and coaches would have less to worry about, so we could also reduce some of the outrageous million-dollar salaries being dolled out.
Gnawing on this turkey leg, there also comes this thought — a school might not want the LSP on its football schedule anyway.
Out of 2,700 dedicated women whose schedule would make a football player’s/coach’s day look like a vacation, there probably is a football team you’d rather not schedule.
Their founder is now a saint; their uniforms would be a black dress and scapular, gray veil and a white headband.
There’s a reason the LSP aren’t on anyone’s schedule.
When they point to heaven, there’s actually somebody listening.